Anyone else really struggling right now?

General
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This current planetary shift or energy shifts going on currently has me really struggling.:pleading_face::broken_heart: 10 steps forward and 11 steps back. …

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I’m definitely feeling the extreme lows more intensely, @Cesadie37. I hope you are ok tho. Sending you strength and love :heart:

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No denying it’s all gone utterly NUTS lately. The last week has been wayward and intense for me and yesterday was like a rollercoaster made much worse by having to do an overtime shift at work when I should have been at home relaxing as much as possible. Been writing and purging tons in my journals. The feelings between me and my flame have been very mixed and confused but in spite of it all, I remain mindful we’re going through a major period, all that’s happening is for our own good so simply riding the waves, letting it be and resting as much as I can.

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Im not but i will be. Thank you. Appreciate you.

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It’s been the craziest I’ve known. I’m Aries and with Venus and Mercury in retrograde in my sign just now I feel like I’m a puppet to the retrogrades and eclipses. Then the full moon in March just tipped it over the edge for me and I β€˜ran’ from TF literally uncontrolled and out of the blue. Like someone was giving me a script to follow and I had no control. I’ve had this before with the retrogrades but this time it’s like β€˜where am I hidden, who is this person’. I really really judged myself and have since had to totally accept and surrender (as we do) and apply self-forgiveness and sending lots of mental hugs and love to my TF (I actually felt feelings of despise for him when I ran, it was horrible). Thanks for opening this thread, I’ve been wanting to say this but have held back as I’m really only just coming to term with my recent crazed actions. Back to basics, we start again with new humility and the recognition that learning is never done…I wish you all the best and for your energy to be bright again very soon!

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π‘°π’Ž π’…π’π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’π’‘π’‘π’π’”π’Šπ’•π’†. 𝑰 π’ˆπ’π’• 𝒔𝒐 π’‰π’Šπ’ˆπ’‰ 𝒂𝒏𝒅 π’…π’“π’–π’π’Œ 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 π’π’Šπ’ˆπ’‰π’•, 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏’𝒕 π’•π’‚π’Œπ’† π’Šπ’•. 𝑰 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒆𝒅 π’‰π’Šπ’” π’ƒπ’π’π’„π’Œπ’†π’… 𝒇𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒓 π’˜π’π’•π’‰ π’”π’π’π’ˆπ’” 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒆𝒙𝒕. 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’–π’“π’ˆπ’† 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 π’‰π’Šπ’Ž 𝒂𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒓 π’‚π’˜π’‚π’š 𝒂𝒔 π’‘π’π’”π’”π’Šπ’ƒπ’π’†, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 π’Žπ’‚π’šπ’ƒπ’† 𝑰 π’˜π’π’π’• 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 π’‰π’Šπ’Ž 𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 π’‚π’π’šπ’Žπ’π’“π’†. π‘³π’Šπ’Œπ’† π’”π’•π’‚π’š π’‚π’˜π’‚π’š π’‡π’“π’π’Ž π’Žπ’† 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 π’‡π’–π’„π’Œπ’Šπ’π’ˆ π’Žπ’Šπ’”π’” π’šπ’π’– 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’”π’‚π’Žπ’† π’•π’Šπ’Žπ’†β€¦ 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒓𝒖𝒏 𝒂𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒓 π’‚π’˜π’‚π’š π’‡π’“π’π’Ž π’Žπ’† 𝒂𝒔 π’šπ’π’– 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒑𝒖𝒕 π’šπ’π’–π’“ 𝒇𝒐𝒄𝒖𝒔 π’ƒπ’‚π’„π’Œ 𝒐𝒏 π’Žπ’† 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑 π’†π’π’•π’†π’“π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅 π’†π’π’†π’“π’ˆπ’š π’‡π’Šπ’†π’π’…. 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒕 π’˜π’‚π’π’• 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 π’šπ’π’– 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 π’ˆπ’ 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍 π’šπ’π’–π’“ π’π’˜π’ π’”π’‰π’Šπ’• 𝒔𝒐 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 π’Œπ’†π’†π’‘ π’‰π’†π’‚π’π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’Žπ’Šπ’π’†β€¦

π’Šπ’Ž 𝒔𝒐 π’‡π’–π’„π’Œπ’†π’… π’“π’Šπ’ˆπ’‰π’• π’π’π’˜.

𝑨𝒏𝒅 π’šπ’π’–β€™π’“π’† π’˜π’†π’π’„π’π’Žπ’†. π‘―π’–π’ˆπ’” :purple_heart:

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Hey, I’ve been there. All of the above I could have written 2 years ago. Word for word. And you know what, it’s just what you need to do right now. It hurts so bad. Shout, scream and be angry, let it all hang out. Do all the non-sensical things you’d never have dreamt of doing when not experiencing TF pain. Get your rawest emotions out there. Nothing anyone says will have any effect, the only voice you want to hear is TFs. I once got so drunk and played music and texted, just like you and just started wailing β€˜my heart, my heart’. And I realised it was actually him I was referring to, that was the beginning of me realising he is TF, at that time I felt he was my heart and I needed him to live. There is comfort in knowing a lot of others know exactly how you feel. But the pain sadly is yours to endure. It’s shit, I really feel for you.

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Thank you, I appreciate you reaching out. Since doing that, the energy shifted. I feel his focus on me. Like he sensed I was struggling. Not enough to reach out in 3D. Why of course not.
And what do you know? I dont want it . I dont want the focus on me now. This is exhausting. I know what I want. But deny it to myself daily. I want a 3D conversation with him. No, I dont want any of this. I want my life without him included back. I want my energy, emotions, self, to just belong to me. I dont want to share it. I never asked to. That’s the unfairness of it all. I didnt ask for this. To not be able to ever be present in my own life anymore. Its so frustrating to go weeks feeling really good. Like FINALLY! I am getting the hang of this! I am balacing, I’m doing better. Then a shift happens and I’m crumbled back on the floor crying wondering what I did wrong this time. Its like a complicated game we can’t win or stop playing.
I have my days where I can be full acceptance and love and communicating telepathically and letting him in energetically. Then other times, feel so much hurt and denial and want him no where near our shared energy. As soon as I feel him, its β€œGO AWAY!” Then other times, its fear when I dont feel him at all.

The feeling or how I view this entire thing since waking up. …

It feels like him and I are foreign visitors to this alternate timelime and he is the ONLY one I know from our old timeline but he wants nothing to do with me here . Despite him being the only one here with me. He is enthralled with the new life hes discovered and built. He likes it here. Meanwhile, I want to go home. But im not allowed to leave without him. But I cant convince him to acknowledge me at all anymore. So he ignores and blocks me because he doesn’t want to β€œwake up” and go home too. So i’m stuck here. Waiting for him to be ready but also trying to adapt and β€œbe fine” here despite now knowing what I know.

Also… I relate heavily to Wanda in the 2nd Dr Strange Movie β€œMadness in the Multiverse” or whatever its called. Shes willing to sacrifice the life of an innocent person to embed herself into an alternate multiverse where she is happy and raising two boys. She dreams of them every single night and longs for them. She is in deep agony and desperate to find a way to take over as the Wanda in that multiverse and take the place as the boy’s mother. In the end, she needed to accept that wasn’t her timeline or her destiny. She belonged to a different multiverse. One unfortunately where she was alone and lonely. But that was her timeline.

I’m just over the 5 steps fwd 3 steps back dance. Over the last year, I have done SO MUCH crying and healing that when I get triggered lately, no tears come. It feels like the well has dried. Like there is nothing left to work or heal through. Maybe not for now. I have spent the better part of almost 2 years on father wounds. Some mother wounds, difference stages of my inner child. Etc. And when you come out the other side of all that pain, yes you feel amazing and realize alot about yourself. Healing is never done. I know. So much that used to affect or trigger me doesnt much anymore. Before he abadoning me, triggered SO MUCH. Lately the emotion has simply been , β€œi just miss you .” That’s it. Not longing and then it being the catalyst to wounds needing healed. Just simply sad lately because, I miss him. That’s it.

Im just so done.

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@Cesadie37, oh boy. Reading your post brought me to tears because it resonated so deeply with me.

This line especially. The only reason I want a 3D conversation with my TF is just to understand what exactly went wrong; I need him to tell me to leave. To let go. To give up. I need to hear those words to get some understanding because after all the promises and plans we made together, I cannot believe everything that he said were lies. Something must have happened to make him shut me out completely. What did I do to deserve this? I MISS MY QUIET UNCOMPLICATED LIFE. I want to scream this from the mountain tops. I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS. For him to return to my life after 22 years, for us to share this unexplainable connection, for him to leave without reason. Did everything we share mean absolutely nothing? Did I not even deserve a simple goodbye? I hate that he ruined the memories of him. Him being my first love. Those memories. He ruined all of them now. Was anything real between us?

Can you tell how triggered I am by your post? :face_in_clouds: Obviously this isn’t one of those days for me that I am at full acceptance.

There are days I feel completely fine. That I will be ok; perhaps accepting the fact that maybe we will never reach union. Maybe we will never speak or see each other again. I don’t know. But up to reading this post (not blaming you; there is obviously some healing I need to do on my end), I’m definitely not fine. :sob:

Most days tho, this is also me. I just miss him. I miss our chats. I miss hearing his voice. I miss hearing him laugh.

But yea, it hurts more than I care to admit most days.

My heart is completely shattered, yet the advice always is to β€œfocus on yourself and your own healing and growth”. How do you numb the constant ache of a broken heart?

Sorry for the rant. But thank you for indulging me x

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Have you ever asked yourself why this is the case?

I’m going to share with you a profound truth @Cesadie37, which is the fact that the state of learning is a higher state of consciousness than that of knowing.

We cannot possibly know everything about anything and everyone. Anyone who believes this is completely stuck in their own ego.

Whether we like it or not, the universe will always push us towards learning, growing and evolving. It is in a perpetual state of expansion.

Sadly, many of the lessons that are necessary for our growth can only be taught through painful situations, while others can only be taught through joyful ones.

That is simply the reality of life.

So keep healing, keep growing and keep improving yourself, even if there is no end in sight. Because that was what you were born in this world to do!

(And that’s ultimatly what the universe wants you to do, and trust me, you DO NOT want to mess with the universe. :joy:)

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Hugs. Is all I can say. Sending you so much πŸ©·πŸ«‚

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I take so much comfort having found this forum. It’s like therapy for my soul. So. Thank you for reading. Sending you love and positive vibes too :heart:

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For me, yes and no. I want to live in full denial of the whole thing somedays and other days need validation that I’m not alone and so many others are going through the same. And im not crazy or losing my mind. But mostly i want to disconnect from all of it.

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