I'm in pain! And that's killing me

[Jane833]

I’m writing this after my latest post,
There’s something wrong with me for sure,
This is something real seriouse

These days i feel there’s noone around me to understand what i’m actually going through, which makes it even lonlier!

But yesterday something happend,
Two nights ago i had a mental breakdown, cried till morning, wishing him to return,
Next day, i felt less nervouse, and i was happy that i could release a bit of that energy and struggle, but
There were an application, me and him used to go there and create voicerooms and talk to random people for fun,
I opened the app, i was searching for something else, and i saw his name, live,
He was talking in a room!
I entered, he noticed my presense but acted like he didnt,
I stayed for 10 mins, listening to his voice a bit, cause i missed him a lot
Then i left, without saying anything,
And right after that, till now, i’ve been having terrible stress
I cant make it go away!
I dont wanna experience this amount of pain😢 just want this to be over

Above all the missing, and wishing my twin to return, cause i’m in a seperation period,
I have physical pain
I have trouble sleeping
I have low energy level, idk why that’s happening
It’s like i’m losing myself, i’ve never something like this before
I have trouble focusing, i keep forgetting things during a conversation
God, and since i saw my twin yesrerday, my stress level has gone way higher, and uncontrolable
Does anyone relate to this??
Whats gonna happen next?
Should i prepare for my own funeral??

[Thenderness]

Sometimes i feel like that. Is not that i am happy by thinking we can be together but more and more nervous and in pain and troubles

[Angelwings]

Hi, thank you for sharing. Every inch of my nervous system activated, burnt and hurt when I read your story. The gut-wrenching pain of being in separation but having tangible droplets (his voice) falling into your life causing short-lived bliss followed by a feeling of dying on the spot. I’ve been there, many times. Even now that I’ve gone through the tunnel and for the main-part experience trust, surrender and acceptance. It is not linear, none of it. I have been and am on a very calm deep journey of my own personal growth and spiritual development and I reached a wonderful level of acceptance. Inner peace galore! Then my twin reached out finding themselves in turmoil and separation pain. I thought ‘ah, I’m home and host, I got this for us both’. Even though I know we both have our own path to walk (endure), my soul jumped at the chance of ‘helping and guiding’ TF. It felt blissful but we are both broken and unhealed so of course it back-fired exponentially and we both got triggered terribly and now there is a void of utter silence. It ripped me into exactly the pain you describe. All my beautiful learning undone. It thankfully only took a week to pick myself back up. And that is my loving advice to you. Inch along in a fog of pain, confusion, glimpses of hope, surrender, healing. Then - eat, sleep, repeat. Until one day you are strong enough for it to not affect you as deeply, not take as long to get back to ‘surrender’. I found meditation, podcasts on healing, sound-baths, past life regression, walks in nature, colouring in (!) - anything that stills the mind for a minute and lets the heart feel what it has to feel (pain, despair, utter love, healing, longing, desire and eventually just an inner peace) has helped me advance on my journey of acceptance these last few months.

I wish you all the love and light for you being and your journey xx

[Lola]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If it’s any consolation we all do in one way or another. I know you don’t want to hear this but it’s time to focus on yourself and your own journey. Letting your twin go and focusing on your own growth and self love really works. I promise you. As soon as you really begin to do that you’ll start to feel better and your twin will reach out to you. It’s just as hard for them as it is for you. So just love them unconditionally and love yourself even more.