A bit long, but got a lot on this subject, lol.
I’m “married” but on paper only. I emotionally and in my soul divorced him years ago because he is abusive, but didnt have the means to leave. We essentially are friendly roommates most the time.
Once the truth came out that I had a TF, he realized I was serious (finally…) and attempted to do a 180 and finally work on his issues, and he’s done really well, overall. And although I asked for a divorce and still plan on leaving when I can, the fact I have 4 kids with him and the clear changes he was making, I felt I owed my spouse and my kids the time to fully think through facts if leaving my husband was the right choice, which I have through many honest conversations with him. It is also best for my TF for me to do so, to ensure the final step to leave is a certain one and baggage-free.
My findings:
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The shadow of “infidelity” hangs over our relationship now, even though nothing ever happened between my TF and I, and I was completely removed from our marriage when I confessed to my twin. My spouse sees it as emotional infidelity still. I take loyalty seriously, and would never cheat on anyone, so it would be hard for me to live under that label I don’t feel I deserve.
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He asked for me to never contact my twin again, if we attempted to move forward. But since he doesn’t believe in TF, or anything spiritual, he can’t believe how impossible that might be for me, because I have no idea what Divine has in store for me, and I don’t want to pre-hinder my ascension by promising such a thing should I someday be called to contact my TF for more lessons.
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Even if my husband and I did try again, the love I feel for my TF is unearthly and beyond anything I feel for him, and I feel its unfair to keep anyone in a relationship with me, given that my heart belongs elsewhere. My husband deserves a full love devoted to only him.
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To stay would mean to not create a life conducive to a life with my Twin, should that be the final intended outcome. At the same time, I’m very careful to not leave expecting a life with my Twin, and be aware a life alone is far more likely. But on my deathbed, if I never tried, I’d always wonder….
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I am a different person now than I was, after so much healing. It’s just not the same between us anymore. My spouse agrees I am very different now.
Anyway, I know everyone is different, but for all these reasons, I believe it’s best for my spouse and myself to let the marriage go.