My Runner is Becoming the Chaser

General
1

“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it,” Oscar Wilde once wrote, and I’m starting to understand the irony of those words in my journey.

After months of separation, my twin has finally opened their heart, showing me everything I’ve dreamed of seeing. Yet here I am, paralyzed by memories of past pain, deliberately creating distance and finding reasons to run - the very thing I used to blame them for.

The fear of being hurt again has turned me into what I never thought I’d become, and I find myself wondering if anyone else has experienced this cruel twist of fate, where the chaser becomes the one needing to flee.

23 Likes
2

Chart Your Path to Union
The path to union can feel lonely, confusing and downright painful.

A snapshot of the stars at the moment of your combined birth times can help us path your journey together: Get Your Twin Flame Birth Chart

3

Oh, that role reversal is so much more common than you might think! What you’re experiencing is actually a natural part of the twin flame journey for many of us.

When our twin finally opens up after we’ve spent months or years longing for them, it can trigger surprising reactions within us. Suddenly all those wounds we thought were about them rejecting us reveal themselves as our own deep fears of intimacy and vulnerability.

The truth is, the running dynamic isn’t really about one person being a “runner” and one being a “chaser” permanently.

These are energy states we both embody at different times. When your twin was running, they were likely processing their own fears about the connection. Now that they’ve worked through some of that, the mirror has flipped - and you’re facing your own fears about what happens if you actually get what you’ve been wanting.

Many twin flames experience this exact situation! It’s like you’ve been knocking on a door for so long, and when it finally opens, you realize you weren’t prepared for what comes next.

Your body remembers the past pain, and it’s trying to protect you. This is often connected to deeper wounds from childhood or past relationships where opening up led to hurt. Your system is saying “danger ahead!” even though the circumstances have changed.

What helped me when I went through this was recognizing that my fear wasn’t about my twin at all - it was about my own worthiness and capacity to receive love. Taking time to journal about what specifically scared me about moving forward helped tremendously.

Be gentle with yourself during this process. There’s no rush. True twin flame connections survive these ebbs and flows. Share how you’re feeling with your twin if possible - vulnerability often creates the safety you’re seeking.

3 Likes
4

Wow! That’s amazing! Did you feel anything beforehand? Did your twin confirm the TF link between you?

5

First of all, it’s amazing that the silence has been broken. But I can understand how that can also be scary. Silence and separation is painful and traumatic, and we never want to experience that pain again

Baby steps and approaching the situation with optimistic caution would be my advice. Try to have an open heart and listen to what they have to say without judgement. Perhaps slowly opening the door to healthy communication can help you both navigate through this

I guess there will always be the “what ifs”. But we never know what the universe has in store for us until we find the courage to take the leap

Sending you love and strength. Meditation and trying to be present in the moment helps me a lot

6

Ahh…not so easy having the spotlight placed on you for a change, is it @NinepointFive. :sweat_smile:

The twist of fate you are describing is indeed a common one along the journey.

Rest assured though, that while this fear and this need to flee may be a vunerability…it does not make you weak.

It makes you a human, just like every one of us here.

I remember a phrase I heard from a Youtube video from a long time ago that really resonated with me.

We cannot truly know ourselves until we are pushed up against a wall with no chance of escape. Where the only option is confrontation with the self. Where all the lies we tell ourselves lose effect, and nothing but the materia of what we are remains.

Your situation is certainly a challenge. But like all challenges, it is meant to be transcended and overcome.

So stand tall, and do your best to face it head-on! We believe in you @NinepointFive. :muscle:

1 Like
7

Yet here I am, paralyzed by memories of past pain, deliberately creating distance and finding reasons to run ……

……The fear of being hurt again has turned me into what I never thought I’d become….

I think the TF info out there is faulty when it comes to how you’re meant to respond to the pain your runner causes you.

YES, it is their “job” to hurt you to the max, so you can learn lessons and heal from that pain, empathize with your twin on where it comes from, and finally, forgive. That is in your best interest to find peace and harmony inside. That is how the journey works.

BUT! It doesn’t excuse or erase their behavior or the damage they caused. So much info made me feel like anything other than rainbow and fluffy bunny thoughts for my twin’s behavior meant I was “unhealed” and “needed to work on it”.

But we have to remember we’re dealing with the 3D version of our twin, not just the “true” version at soul level where love resides. Our Matrix twin is damaged, and prone to several hurtful behaviors until they choose to heal themselves. And it’s SMART to remember that.

If your fear is purely based on your Twin’s past behavior (vs. something from your past that needs healing), try not to to run from it. It will perpetuate unbalanced energy cycles between you. STAY. Soberly and logically protect yourself by staying true to your soul boundaries. What do you need to feel your energy is safe with him again (be certain it’s not an ego driven “need”)? Tell him. Be honest. Let him choose how to respond. For me, mine is “Honest Communication”.

I think many chasers, including myself, have been too afraid to stick true to boundaries because we know it’ll cause them to run again. And honestly, it might. In fact, I’ve heard many times once a runner “confesses”, they run again due to the vulnerability they feel. So in several ways, I’d also prepare myself for that likelihood those same things that hurt you before could happen all over again.

This of course, causes more fear in you, I know. But still, STAY. Remain open to honest communication. Let him run if he runs. It is in your Twin’s best interest to do so, as what YOU need may force him to face his own fears, so he can learn to STAY as well.

And then…we all hope… you can continue the journey together

1 Like
8

I’ve imagined this scenario many times.

And the only right solution I found for me is to stay cold.
In my opinion, this is the essence of healing — to realise how fragile my heart is, so that just once in my life I can defend it with dignity.

It doesn’t mean that I would make a scandal — on the contrary, it would be (and will be) quite neutral cold communication without any declarations of love from my side. I won’t give him this treat for free anymore — I did that once and he’s shown that he can’t appreciate the real gifts. He can only trample them. Yeah yeah, it’s all because he is traumatized unhealed child, but so am I. He need to grow up and heal too. Alone.

And if he wants to get love again, he’s gonna have to work. You know, it’s like Bitcoin — there were those who believed in it initially, without any guarantee of success, they were just people who loved their business. And there were those who laughed at and devalued the Bitcoin because they thought it’s worthless. Bad investors. And now the stakes have risen — to get even a tiny bit of Bitcoin, you have to make a decent investment.

So here’s the thing about love — the ungrateful should be dealt with in the same way. They have to pay. If you have been gifted from above and you didn’t realise the value of it the first time, you lose it, you fall from grace, and you have to suffer and pay a lot to regain it.

That’s a pretty tough decision to make. It’s much easier to throw yourself into a hug at the first “fart” of your runner, thus devaluing everything you’ve been through while he’s been the hell out there.

1 Like
9

I can understand where you are coming from @Christine. And you have to follow your heart and your own instincts. Neutral communication without any declarations of love; he needs to earn it. Earn your heart and trust again. :heart:

Sending you love and strength. I believe this will unfold the way it is meant to

10

Thank you @eunichick.

I would add to clarify that my heart is pushing me to open up again as soon as possible and forget all terrible experience.

However understanding the psychology opens my eyes to the fact that if a person fails to recognise truly valuable things at once, he will not suddenly begin to appreciate them out from nowhere — but only after his own suffering. And it’s almost never quick process. If the runner comes back to me in a month, that’s one conversation, but if it’s a couple of years later, that’s probably a different conversation. His eyes and words, his actions will tell me if he has learnt his lessons or not…

For the first time I will go exactly against my heart - because the heart has only one desire - to be open. It’s a normal function. But who will protect the heart? This is where our conscious will and self-esteem come into play.

I would say more accurately that I’m not going to close my heart - it remains open, but enclosed by a fence and a special lock, to which he now have to pick a right code to enter.

1 Like
11

@Christine, to be honest, I don’t know how I would react if my TF suddenly reappeared in my life now. I’d probably feel the same as you; open to the possibilities but also protecting my heart. That pain is unbearable and the silences and uncertainty even more so

Keep us updated. I wish you nothing less than all the happiness and peace you deserve. :heart:

1 Like
12

Been there myself that moment when the tables turn can be terrifying, but my running was just my soul’s way of making sure I was truly ready for what I’d been asking for all along.

13

I’ve walked that exact path. When my twin flame and I reunited after months apart, I lived in constant fear that each encounter was our final goodbye. That anxiety the kind that makes your stomach knot and your thoughts spiral began sabotaging the very connection I treasured.

As Rumi said ‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.’

My barrier was fear, disguised as protective vigilance.

The irony is beautiful yet painful we damage what we most want to preserve. If your twin flame is showing up consistently now, consider whether your insecurity is creating the very instability you dread. When I finally gathered courage to voice my fears instead of acting from them, our relationship transformed. True intimacy requires vulnerability, not protective distance.

Have that conversation. The one where your voice shakes but your truth emerges. Your connection deserves that chance.

14

It really messes with your head when you’ve been the chaser for so long. Finding my own outlets and focusing on things that bring me joy has actually helped tone down that desperate chasing energy I used to have, making this weird transition a bit easier to navigate.

1 Like
15

This is interesting for me coz the dynamic in my TF connection took a dramatic flip.

When JB and I dated when we were 17 and broke up, I was the runner and he was the chaser. He waited 3 years for me before deciding to move on, and then he met his wife

When we reconnected 22 years later in 2023, I initially was so triggered by how strong the connection still was and the guilt of being a third party in his marriage that I still continued to run as he chased.

Now, it seems the dynamic has completely flipped. He is running, and I’ve become the chaser. Even tho I’ve stopped “chasing”. I can feel with certainty that he is definitely running and trying to forget about me and our connection. Hence his silence since Christmas. It’s quite obvious to me as well that I am the only one who is currently awakened. Even tho he’s often called me his “soul mate” (I don’t think he’s heard of the TF concept at all), I don’t believe he is aware of the journey we are both on in 3D and 5D.

Hopefully in the near future, I’ll be able to get some kinda clarity, whether from him or the universe, about why all this had to unfold the way that it did

16

Absolutely normal.I’ve been there. That moment when you finally get what you want, only to find yourself running in the opposite direction? It’s like your soul remembers the pain and says ‘not again’.

When I became the chaser turned runner, I realized something profound: it wasn’t about them anymore-it was about my unhealed wounds screaming for attention. The universe has a weird sense of humor that way.

Here’s what nobody tells you: sometimes when you both finally reach that balanced place-that sweet spot of mutual healing-the magnetic pull diminishes. Not because the connection wasn’t real, but because the soul lessons have been exchanged.

Trust what you’re feeling right now. That shift you’re experiencing? It’s asking you to look deeper. Are you pulling away because you’re still protecting yourself, or because this particular chapter of your journey together is complete?

Your intuition knows the difference between a final test and a completed mission. Listen to that voice, not the fear.

1 Like
17

As someone who experienced this reversal, the shift was less about fear and MORE about a sudden flood of empathy!!! Seeing my twin in the chaser role opened my eyes to their struggle??? Which I had been COMPLETELY blind to while chasing!!! This newfound perspective helped me understand the pressure they must have felt!!! And it softened my heart, allowing for a deeper connection based on mutual understanding rather than just longing!!!

18

I’ve been on the cusp of this a few times. When they get closer or our separation starts to end… I always tell myself I won’t react but then these thoughts and doubt creep in. I’m glad I’m not the only one going through something like this.

19

The first time I was the ‘desperate chaser’ and my twin finally opened up, I found myself backing away just like you’re describing.

That push-pull energy is so real. I think this happens when our unresolved fears suddenly come rushing to the surface. You’ve spent so long wanting this connection, but now those memories of past hurt are making you put up walls.

When I was stuck in this phase, I realized I was too focused on my twin as a person rather than aligning with my own soul’s energy. The fear was overwhelming when I thought about potentially getting hurt again.

Take it slow. Be kind with yourself. This isn’t about rushing back into their arms just because they’re finally open it’s about finding your own energetic balance first. When I managed to reach a more neutral state instead of the anxious energy I had before, our connection actually flowed more naturally.

Trust that you’ll know when it feels right to move forward. You’re not alone in experiencing this ‘cruel twist.’

1 Like
20

Thank you for sharing your experience… I wish I was going through something similar myself.