Yet here I am, paralyzed by memories of past pain, deliberately creating distance and finding reasons to run ……
……The fear of being hurt again has turned me into what I never thought I’d become….
I think the TF info out there is faulty when it comes to how you’re meant to respond to the pain your runner causes you.
YES, it is their “job” to hurt you to the max, so you can learn lessons and heal from that pain, empathize with your twin on where it comes from, and finally, forgive. That is in your best interest to find peace and harmony inside. That is how the journey works.
BUT! It doesn’t excuse or erase their behavior or the damage they caused. So much info made me feel like anything other than rainbow and fluffy bunny thoughts for my twin’s behavior meant I was “unhealed” and “needed to work on it”.
But we have to remember we’re dealing with the 3D version of our twin, not just the “true” version at soul level where love resides. Our Matrix twin is damaged, and prone to several hurtful behaviors until they choose to heal themselves. And it’s SMART to remember that.
If your fear is purely based on your Twin’s past behavior (vs. something from your past that needs healing), try not to to run from it. It will perpetuate unbalanced energy cycles between you. STAY. Soberly and logically protect yourself by staying true to your soul boundaries. What do you need to feel your energy is safe with him again (be certain it’s not an ego driven “need”)? Tell him. Be honest. Let him choose how to respond. For me, mine is “Honest Communication”.
I think many chasers, including myself, have been too afraid to stick true to boundaries because we know it’ll cause them to run again. And honestly, it might. In fact, I’ve heard many times once a runner “confesses”, they run again due to the vulnerability they feel. So in several ways, I’d also prepare myself for that likelihood those same things that hurt you before could happen all over again.
This of course, causes more fear in you, I know. But still, STAY. Remain open to honest communication. Let him run if he runs. It is in your Twin’s best interest to do so, as what YOU need may force him to face his own fears, so he can learn to STAY as well.
And then…we all hope… you can continue the journey together