My Runner is Becoming the Chaser

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“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it,” Oscar Wilde once wrote, and I’m starting to understand the irony of those words in my journey.

After months of separation, my twin has finally opened their heart, showing me everything I’ve dreamed of seeing. Yet here I am, paralyzed by memories of past pain, deliberately creating distance and finding reasons to run - the very thing I used to blame them for.

The fear of being hurt again has turned me into what I never thought I’d become, and I find myself wondering if anyone else has experienced this cruel twist of fate, where the chaser becomes the one needing to flee.

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Oh, that role reversal is so much more common than you might think! What you’re experiencing is actually a natural part of the twin flame journey for many of us.

When our twin finally opens up after we’ve spent months or years longing for them, it can trigger surprising reactions within us. Suddenly all those wounds we thought were about them rejecting us reveal themselves as our own deep fears of intimacy and vulnerability.

The truth is, the running dynamic isn’t really about one person being a “runner” and one being a “chaser” permanently.

These are energy states we both embody at different times. When your twin was running, they were likely processing their own fears about the connection. Now that they’ve worked through some of that, the mirror has flipped - and you’re facing your own fears about what happens if you actually get what you’ve been wanting.

Many twin flames experience this exact situation! It’s like you’ve been knocking on a door for so long, and when it finally opens, you realize you weren’t prepared for what comes next.

Your body remembers the past pain, and it’s trying to protect you. This is often connected to deeper wounds from childhood or past relationships where opening up led to hurt. Your system is saying “danger ahead!” even though the circumstances have changed.

What helped me when I went through this was recognizing that my fear wasn’t about my twin at all - it was about my own worthiness and capacity to receive love. Taking time to journal about what specifically scared me about moving forward helped tremendously.

Be gentle with yourself during this process. There’s no rush. True twin flame connections survive these ebbs and flows. Share how you’re feeling with your twin if possible - vulnerability often creates the safety you’re seeking.

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Wow! That’s amazing! Did you feel anything beforehand? Did your twin confirm the TF link between you?

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First of all, it’s amazing that the silence has been broken. But I can understand how that can also be scary. Silence and separation is painful and traumatic, and we never want to experience that pain again

Baby steps and approaching the situation with optimistic caution would be my advice. Try to have an open heart and listen to what they have to say without judgement. Perhaps slowly opening the door to healthy communication can help you both navigate through this

I guess there will always be the “what ifs”. But we never know what the universe has in store for us until we find the courage to take the leap

Sending you love and strength. Meditation and trying to be present in the moment helps me a lot

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Ahh…not so easy having the spotlight placed on you for a change, is it @NinepointFive. :sweat_smile:

The twist of fate you are describing is indeed a common one along the journey.

Rest assured though, that while this fear and this need to flee may be a vunerability…it does not make you weak.

It makes you a human, just like every one of us here.

I remember a phrase I heard from a Youtube video from a long time ago that really resonated with me.

We cannot truly know ourselves until we are pushed up against a wall with no chance of escape. Where the only option is confrontation with the self. Where all the lies we tell ourselves lose effect, and nothing but the materia of what we are remains.

Your situation is certainly a challenge. But like all challenges, it is meant to be transcended and overcome.

So stand tall, and do your best to face it head-on! We believe in you @NinepointFive. :muscle:

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Yet here I am, paralyzed by memories of past pain, deliberately creating distance and finding reasons to run ……

……The fear of being hurt again has turned me into what I never thought I’d become….

I think the TF info out there is faulty when it comes to how you’re meant to respond to the pain your runner causes you.

YES, it is their “job” to hurt you to the max, so you can learn lessons and heal from that pain, empathize with your twin on where it comes from, and finally, forgive. That is in your best interest to find peace and harmony inside. That is how the journey works.

BUT! It doesn’t excuse or erase their behavior or the damage they caused. So much info made me feel like anything other than rainbow and fluffy bunny thoughts for my twin’s behavior meant I was “unhealed” and “needed to work on it”.

But we have to remember we’re dealing with the 3D version of our twin, not just the “true” version at soul level where love resides. Our Matrix twin is damaged, and prone to several hurtful behaviors until they choose to heal themselves. And it’s SMART to remember that.

If your fear is purely based on your Twin’s past behavior (vs. something from your past that needs healing), try not to to run from it. It will perpetuate unbalanced energy cycles between you. STAY. Soberly and logically protect yourself by staying true to your soul boundaries. What do you need to feel your energy is safe with him again (be certain it’s not an ego driven “need”)? Tell him. Be honest. Let him choose how to respond. For me, mine is “Honest Communication”.

I think many chasers, including myself, have been too afraid to stick true to boundaries because we know it’ll cause them to run again. And honestly, it might. In fact, I’ve heard many times once a runner “confesses”, they run again due to the vulnerability they feel. So in several ways, I’d also prepare myself for that likelihood those same things that hurt you before could happen all over again.

This of course, causes more fear in you, I know. But still, STAY. Remain open to honest communication. Let him run if he runs. It is in your Twin’s best interest to do so, as what YOU need may force him to face his own fears, so he can learn to STAY as well.

And then…we all hope… you can continue the journey together

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I’ve imagined this scenario many times.

And the only right solution I found for me is to stay cold.
In my opinion, this is the essence of healing — to realise how fragile my heart is, so that just once in my life I can defend it with dignity.

It doesn’t mean that I would make a scandal — on the contrary, it would be (and will be) quite neutral cold communication without any declarations of love from my side. I won’t give him this treat for free anymore — I did that once and he’s shown that he can’t appreciate the real gifts. He can only trample them. Yeah yeah, it’s all because he is traumatized unhealed child, but so am I. He need to grow up and heal too. Alone.

And if he wants to get love again, he’s gonna have to work. You know, it’s like Bitcoin — there were those who believed in it initially, without any guarantee of success, they were just people who loved their business. And there were those who laughed at and devalued the Bitcoin because they thought it’s worthless. Bad investors. And now the stakes have risen — to get even a tiny bit of Bitcoin, you have to make a decent investment.

So here’s the thing about love — the ungrateful should be dealt with in the same way. They have to pay. If you have been gifted from above and you didn’t realise the value of it the first time, you lose it, you fall from grace, and you have to suffer and pay a lot to regain it.

That’s a pretty tough decision to make. It’s much easier to throw yourself into a hug at the first “fart” of your runner, thus devaluing everything you’ve been through while he’s been the hell out there.

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I can understand where you are coming from @Christine. And you have to follow your heart and your own instincts. Neutral communication without any declarations of love; he needs to earn it. Earn your heart and trust again. :heart:

Sending you love and strength. I believe this will unfold the way it is meant to

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Thank you @eunichick.

I would add to clarify that my heart is pushing me to open up again as soon as possible and forget all terrible experience.

However understanding the psychology opens my eyes to the fact that if a person fails to recognise truly valuable things at once, he will not suddenly begin to appreciate them out from nowhere — but only after his own suffering. And it’s almost never quick process. If the runner comes back to me in a month, that’s one conversation, but if it’s a couple of years later, that’s probably a different conversation. His eyes and words, his actions will tell me if he has learnt his lessons or not…

For the first time I will go exactly against my heart - because the heart has only one desire - to be open. It’s a normal function. But who will protect the heart? This is where our conscious will and self-esteem come into play.

I would say more accurately that I’m not going to close my heart - it remains open, but enclosed by a fence and a special lock, to which he now have to pick a right code to enter.

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@Christine, to be honest, I don’t know how I would react if my TF suddenly reappeared in my life now. I’d probably feel the same as you; open to the possibilities but also protecting my heart. That pain is unbearable and the silences and uncertainty even more so

Keep us updated. I wish you nothing less than all the happiness and peace you deserve. :heart:

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