But id love to be with her again… after healing
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Whats your situation right now? If you want to talk about it
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You could read this
What nobody talks about is how cheating in a twin flame connection creates a specific kind of energetic rupture it’s like you tear the shared soul fabric itself. That tear becomes the exact opening where real healing begins. Your aunt’s death cracked you open, and your mistake cracked the relationship open. Now light can finally enter those places that were sealed shut by perfectionism and fear.
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You think it’s possibile for us to reunite again? Even if we broke up and could stay with someone else? I am afraid i will go through the same of the first separation, but a lot worse
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I’m sorry to hear this… how is it going now? If you want to answer
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like that beatles song about getting by with help from friends except its the opposite when youre on this journey because nobody gets why you feel so incomplete even when youre supposedly whole and successful on paper but theres this gnawing emptiness that started way back when you were a kid feeling like an alien watching everyone else just be normal while you were searching for something you couldnt even name yet
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Thank you for providing additional context.
However, based on what you’ve described, it once more leans into karmic soulmate territory. The instant and intense attraction, the signs that its a destined connection, the overlooking of their poor behaviour, the on again off again drama, etc. and all this in a short time span.
Personally, I’m convinced at this point. This individual is not your “divine counterpart”.
I get a lot of this. I also, at the darkest depths of my worst Dark Night of the Soul, felt suicidal… something I swore I would even think about, much less consider. It’s awful to be in that place, and to feel so alone and lost dealing with such heavy emotions. I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with such hard times. 
And I’m very sorry for the loss of your Aunt.
Just my opinions based on all I learned and experienced in the TF process… you had your bubble love phase at the beginning of the relationship… this I believe is how things could be at the end of your TF journey, if you both manage to both complete your work. The happy times and the love are the “carrot on the stick” that keeps you involved with eachother and the process. So you did not lose, or wreck your good relationship. You were forced into the next phase of triggering.
The cruelty of the TF experience, is that you love eachother in ways far beyond what you can feel for another; but because of that, you also hurt eachother at the deepest levels, in ways no one else can. It is designed to be this way for a reason. The Universe (or God, Source, whatever you believe) has custom built your journey to your higher self (which is the point of all of this) so certain, precise occurrences trigger your worst egoic behaviors, feel your deepest pains, and also trigger the same things in your TF. ALL so you’d be forced to heal yourself in those places, and tear down all the ego behaviors you’ve set up to “protect you” from pain.
So therefore it may come as a small relief that all the events you described were meant to happen exactly as it did, and therefore you are doing everything precisely correct, as intended.
It’s kinda a practice of seeking all the rich opportunities your pain brings up.
For example:
Death of your Aunt: As she was your second mother, I imagine (without knowing more than your post) this would trigger a lot of deep down traumatic feelings. Such as feeling abandoned, or alone and unprotected in the world. You might (ie) face tremendous pain that you didn’t show her the level of appreciation you always meant to get around to showing. Here you are called to face where the pain comes from, and heal those root causes.
WHICH LED TO your ego “protections” of numbing and avoiding that extreme pain, which pushed you to a place of desperation to escape and (as you said) feel something else, in which you cheated. Here you are called to heal your habit of escaping pain, and break down the ego, and its methods of avoidance.
WHICH LED TO triggering your TF to face and heal a lot of deep stuff. This was also was meant to happen. This does not mean it was right or that you are not responsbile for your actions But as awful as this sounds she may have needed to be betrayed in that specific way by the one she loves most, because only you can force her to face and heal these things.
THIS LED TO you feeling what seems like SHAME, not guilt if you took you to the brink of suicide. Guilt is: I did something wrong and I feel bad for it. This is healthy. Shame is: I AM bad for doing this. Here you are being called to learn self-compassion, self-love and self forgiveness… which really is the ultimate lesson of the TF journey. I had a way of thinking about this that led me down this path, if interested.
WHICH LED TO your current separation, which also triggers a crap ton of more pain, all of which needs healed, as well as the fear of losing her love forever. But you seem to have done “your job” of triggering eachother to your highest saturation points, and now need space to fix it all. Because the last think you need while healing, is MORE triggering occurences at that deep TF level.
It takes time. I see the TF healing process as “wiggling a cork out of a bottle”. You have to go back and forth several times, healing bit by bit by bit, to get the cork out, and you are reborn as a healed, whole person. Sadly you can’t pull it out in one go and heal it quickly all at once. It takes time. Luckily it seems you both have great emotional awareness, so that will help give you a leg up in the process. And you’re still in comunication, which is wonderful. This makes me feel hopeful you both can finish your inner work, and come together better than ever, in the end.
Keep your chin up! 
And I hope things improve for you soon
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thank you so much for taking the time to write all this because I really appreciated your detailed and also spot on analysis. Btw we are not in contact because we broke up, unfortunately at the moment we stopped the therapy and we are no longer together. she told me “I don’t want to be tied down because I could have other relationships and this pain is too much for me to deal with”. I really hope it can end well for us… I’m really scared, if you have some advice id love to hear
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Ugh… that is brutal, I’m sorry! 
Well, she’s absolutely running and avoiding her emotions too. There is truly nothing you can do in that case but step back, let her, and focus on healing the pain her departure brings up in you.
Given what I know about runners, it is common they think there are other people (aka, Karmics) out there who can satisfy them the same as their TF, but without all the “drama” or heavy emotions, or whatever issue is triggering her running. She wants someone “easier” who comforts her ego, like a big’ ol soothing teddy bear, and doesn’t make her face herself. This means she’ll likely be with someone with the same toxic patterns of those before you, and will likely end the same.
Once that relationship ends in the same ol ways as before, or some other major life happening occurs, she’ll realize.its impossible for her to find the deep, satisfying love she has for you in another person, because there is only one other half of her soul! The Universe will ensure she can’t forget you, and try to turn her back towards you at the proper time. This is where the trust part comes in. I know its extremely hard, and I certainly still struggle wiith it, but you have NO control over how her journey unfolds on her side, and the quickest way back to step back and let her discover what she thinks she wants, isn’t actually what she wants. That her running was futile.
But, whether she returns or not, is a wild card. My guess is you have a very strong likeliehood given that you both already been in love and with eachother. So finding eachother again and being in a relationship is far easier to re-establish ( and better than ever once the healing is done of course)
However, it could also happen like what I assume my TF might end up doing. Settling down with a karmic who (seems) doesn’t challenge his ego, statisfies his needs “enough”, and reflects the same toxic patterns as his wives before. As he is King Avoidant (like, he doesn’t just RUN, he has a space jet standing nearby to take him to the moon at the slightest hint of me even thinking too hard about him) he probably will just “settle” for easy, and compartmentalize away whatever he may feel for me. There may be love with his karmics, sure, but nothing at all like the epic, unconditional, blissful love we could’ve shared if he had just turned around to face himself. That is their choice. When they are so far removed from their true self like that, and unwilling to do the work, I feel its unlikely we will find eachother again, much less be in a relationship (but… I hope he’ll prove me wrong).
But for you, I believe it will be the former 
I very much hope it ends up that way for you
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I’m sorry, how do you feel about that? Thank you anyway, i really hope to reunite in the future, but I know that right now i have to focus on myself. The first separation, after almost 3 years, i was giving up and moving on, that’s when she came back. This time is different i dont have the same sureness because she is hurt…
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I totally get you would be so worried because she is in pain. And to be honest, that type of betrayal when she also already had trauma there, will be a very heavy thing for her to deal with and may take time. But she is supposed to face it and heal it, which, possibly, the Universe led you down this path to begin with. But I do NOT think it is hopeless for you at all. Because what you describe of her, she does have tremendous TF love for you, and that will pull her through the inner work. I know its so incredibly hard and painful for you, and I do think as you heal, and new awareness of yourself come forward, you should tell her about that, without any expectation for a resposne or otherwise. Seeing your transformation may inspire her to keep going on hers. Seeing that you’re still there, still caring, giving space, but with a door held open, will give her an energetic safe space that she can return to when things get hard for her. Don’t give up hope! I have a strong feeling you’ll be reunited again.
As for how I feel that my twin will likely run forever? It hurts like hellfire, lol. Because he can compartmentalize away the connection and ignore his inner work to live a normal (if not fully satisfying) life. While I cannot. I am fully connected to all of it. Spirtually, energetically. And most importantly to him and that unbreakable Unconditional Twin lame Love. So I cannot see myself statisfied with another person, because nothing else can match the incredible feelings this connection brings and I can’t escape it. I also don’t think I could ever be with another person, because it doesn’t seem fair to whomeever I’d be with to know I’ll always be in love with another. So I’m looking at a lifetime alone, feeling his energy of being with others (which I am VERY sensitive to). I have come across a few people though, that found soulmates they fall in love with, just not to the same degree, that tell them they have a Twin Flame and will always love them. These soulmates understand and are willing to work together to build a lasting, loving relationship despite it. I hope or that, very much. If alone? I’ll have no choice but to focus on clearing up all remaining trauma/blocks work so I can stay at that high vibration space longer where I DON’T feel pain or longing for him anymore, just blissful peace. That, I believe, is the ultimate goal of an indivifual Twin Flame.
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First of all, thank you for opening up your story here. This sentence stabbed so deep and specifically reflected my own thoughts, and went up high since my own last separation; I also lost lots of random, unrelated relationships the first 5 months of it. Doesn’t help that I was actually finally diagnosed last months - tried for ADHD, but the very prominent result was PTSD with… embarrassing secondaries.
I’m glad you and her attempted therapy despite breaking off later. Continue going to therapy for yourself - I also suggest checking for PTSD. Your story seemed complex, especially when you mention the perpetual shame and ex-friends. You matter, and you don’t deserve to drown further.
What’s yours will be yours. That someone will come back if it’s meant to be someday; if not, at least you will be in a better place.
Get busy for your own well-being. Do random things even when you’re not good at it. Try to find a real-life hobby club. In my personal experience hanging out and interacting with lots of strangers can lessen the voices for a bit.
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I’m… I’m not really sure if I should even be commenting here, but what you said really resonates with me… or at least I think it does? My DM and I are in separation too, and I keep wondering if… well, maybe I’m just overthinking everything as usual.
I mean, I think the pain they’re carrying makes everything different this time around? But then again, maybe I’m just projecting my own situation onto yours. I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if focusing on ourselves during separation is actually the answer, or if… no, I shouldn’t second-guess the process, right?
What I’m trying to say is… or rather, what I think I’m trying to say… is that when they’re hurt, the dynamic changes completely. At least, that’s what I’ve noticed with my DM? But maybe your situation is totally different. I keep going back and forth between hoping for reunion and thinking maybe I should just… I don’t know, let go? But then that doesn’t feel right either.
Sorry, I’m probably not making much sense. I just… I guess I understand that uncertainty you’re feeling about whether she’ll come back this time. Or at least I think I do? It’s so hard to know anything for sure on this journey.
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your reaction to the loss of your aunt is what you should focus on. what was that trying to teach you? why did you feel the need to cheat? why did you act out the way you did while you were feeling that pain? im sure the need for self love is part of it. suicide and self love are the complete opposite. im sorry for your pain and loss. what’s yours will never leave you as Danielle is so fond of saying. so don’t worry about losing your twin. focus on self love and look into the reasons you acted out the way you did. im certainly no expert. just someone who knows how much turning inward helps not only you, but your twin relationship as well. she will feel your healing yourself in a positive way and outcome. have faith and hope. have unconditional love for yourself and watch the tides turn.
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