The advice that has always annoyed me more than anything:
" Dont focus on your twin, focus on you"
But then in the same breath say,
“Your twin is you. You are your twin.”
“WHAT?!”
So much advice on this journey is infuriating because so much of it is contradicting.
Chart Your Path to Union
The path to union can feel lonely, confusing and downright painful.
A snapshot of the stars at the moment of your combined birth times can help us path your journey together: Get Your Twin Flame Birth Chart
Oh my goodness, YES! That contradiction drives me absolutely crazy too! It feels like Twin Flame advice often talks in riddles and expects us to just magically understand.
Here’s what I’ve come to understand after years on this path: Both statements contain truth, but they’re poorly explained.
The “focus on yourself” advice is about practical reality - you can only control your own actions, energy, and healing. When you try to control or “fix” your Twin, it usually backfires spectacularly.
The “you are your Twin” truth is about your energetic connection - you share an energy field and mirror each other’s wounds, blocks, and patterns. What you heal in yourself often shifts in them too.
It’s like you’re both separate trees with your own lives and choices, but your root systems are completely intertwined underground. Taking care of your tree helps both trees thrive.
What’s helped me most is to stop overthinking the spiritual concepts and focus on what feels right. Does obsessing over your Twin bring peace? Usually not. Does working on your own happiness and healing create positive shifts? Almost always.
The biggest trap in this journey is getting lost in contradictory concepts instead of living your life. Your Twin Flame connection should enhance your life, not become your whole identity.
What other contradictory advice has left you confused? I’ve probably encountered most of it by now 
I love this response. You ar so insightful. I see you post advice to others and its always spot on and resonating. Teach me your ways, Yoda. Lol.
I cant think of anymore on top of my head but im going to scream if one more person tells me to, “just focus on myself”
Ya know, i was doing just that before i met my soul in another vessel and I havent been okay since.
I would love nothing more than to go back to focusing on myself. I try. Every. Day.
Oh! This has to be one of my favourite topics!
There is SOOO much confusion and misinterpretation about which advice to follow it makes my head hurt!
I think my favourite one has to be the advice about how your twin flame loves you “unconditionally”, but how you should also nurture and care for the bond between the two of you.
If this love is trully “unconditional” then why would you need to nurture and care for it? You can probably just take it for granted right?
Wrong! Behave like an immature jackass towards your twin flame, and you’ll quickly find yourself ghosted and maybe even blocked.
Thats because in this universe, you need to respect people’s boundaries and address their needs, wants and desires. Fail to do so, and there will generally be negative consequences.
No romantic relationship you experience will ever be fully and completely “unconditional”. There will always be a transactional element to them. The question is wether the relationship maintains a healthy balance of “give and take”.
Remember that just because you’re in a twin flame relationship, that doesn’t mean the relationship can’t turn codependent or even toxic!
Ugh, that ‘focus on yourself but you are your twin’ advice makes me go facepalm every time! It reminds me of that parenting wisdom ‘don’t prepare the road for your kids, prepare your kids for the road’ - sounds contradictory at first but eventually clicks when you stop overthinking it.
The paradox of ‘focus on yourself but you are your twin’ finally clicked for me when I realized it’s like trying to see your own eyes without a mirror - impossible yet somehow true.
Numbers showed me this truth: when my energy was at 1111 (self-focused), my twin’s synchronicities appeared at 444 (stability), proving we’re separate yet connected. I’ve stopped trying to logically understand these contradictions and instead watch how my energy shifts create immediate ripples in our connection. The moment I surrendered to this beautiful nonsense, the universe started speaking through sequences that validated both perspectives simultaneously.
The mind-made stories about our twin flame journey create most of our suffering (not the actual situation itself), and there’s something peaceful about embracing not-knowing instead of constantly trying to figure everything out.
the advice that made me laugh was you need to communicate telepathically more while also being told dont obsess about your twin. i mean, how do you even start telepathic chats without thinking about them constantly? it took some time, but i realized its about tuning into your own intuition and feelings rather than trying to have a literal conversation in your mind. the quieter i became internally, the more i felt connected without forcing it.
That ‘focus on yourself but you are your twin’ advice feels like being told to both look at and ignore a mirror simultaneously - I’ve found peace only when I stopped trying to make logical sense of these paradoxes and instead trusted what resonates with my own experience.
One piece of advice that always makes me chuckle is cut the cord and move on right after someone insists you’ll never truly be free from your twin. It’s like trying to delete a song that’s permanently stuck in your head. I eventually realized that the cord isn’t something you can just snip away but rather an energy to learn to live with peacefully. It’s about transforming that connection into something that doesn’t chain you but instead supports your growth.
The journey with twin flames is full of contradictions, and focusing on my own healing rather than obsessing over the connection actually strengthened our bond. When I released old relationship wounds, the energy between us shifted naturally without me trying to force anything.
Like, what am I supposed to do with that?!
I’ve also learned that the whole ‘runner’ and ‘chaser’ thing is mostly a misconception. It’s not about one person intentionally pulling away and the other desperately pursuing - it’s more about the natural push-pull of energies within our connection. For me, it became about managing my own energy and focusing inward rather than trying to control the relationship itself.
When I get annoyed by seemingly conflicting advice, I tell myself that people interpret the twin flame experience differently. Like that idea that we don’t need to ‘heal’ before coming together because neither of us is broken - we just need an energy shift. This journey is ultimately about personal growth and self-discovery, which naturally harmonizes the energy I share with my twin.
Has anyone else noticed that the more ‘experts’ you listen to about twin flames, the more confused you get just like in business where everyone’s contradictory advice actually forces you to trust your own intuition in the end?
OMG that ‘focus on yourself but you are your twin’ contradiction makes my head explode too! IMHO, it’s like having 4000 different opinions on the same book cover - some say ‘ugh’ while others say ‘awesome’ about the EXACT same thing, and TBH I’ve learned to take all TF advice seriously but not personally, otherwise I’d go insane lol.
Ridiculous? Sometimes. Conflicting? Oh hell yes.
Angel numbers.
Sooooo many sources acting like they are the bearers of truth, but yet I have not found a website that gives me really accurate interpretation according to my understanding of my situation and according to my intuition.
And conflicting information seems like the only thing true about angel numbers as explained on the web. Even PureTwinFlames/Twins Flames Collective, between the websites, this forum, and platforms like Medium - well, even them are conflicting, even though they come from the same person/team (from what I understand).
What I have learned though, is that angel numbers are a means of communication, a language. I have studied linguistics in university, among other things, and something you cannot ignore with communication, is all the elements that make a message understood: the speaker, the receiver, the message, the channel, the context, etc.
A message can only be understood as meant to when enough of those characteristics are aligned so the receiver interprets the message as the speaker meant it to.
At the beginning of my spiritual awakening, I tried to learn those angel numbers. But it was very confusing. Until I started making it a dialogue, instead of a one-way thing.
For instance, I would see an angel number, and ask my spirit guides if I understood correctly, or to please confirm by showing it again, or I would tell them I don’t really feel that number for the interpretation I learned, etc.
I started also giving them my own numbers : for instance, I made 1926, or 19:26, a very special angel number for me. I told my spirit guides what it meant for me, and them using it would mean exactly this to me. And they are using it ever since. Just tonight, I was busy at work doing my things, and I randomly looked at my phone at 19:26 - a clear nudge about my connection with my twin.
I almost never look up the meanings of angel numbers anymore. I learned them, and I adjusted them with a dialogue with my spirit guides. The more I do this, the clearer the messages are. So I’ll keep doing it until all confusions are eradicated (if possible).
Angel numbers are not math, or fixed - they’re a language. It’s dynamic.
Languages adapt, languages change, languages are social. Words can be invented, or dismissed. Angel numbers, just as words, can have multiple meanings according to a dictionary, but will only use one meaning at a time. Meanings can also change. More than one angel number in a given period? Might be a sentence, a paragraph, a story.
And all messages depend on the elements of communication as previously stated.
So, just, you know, use it as a language.
Learn the basics, of course, but make it your own language.
It’ll make it much more easier to speak the same language as your twin and your spirit guides.
And, well, the same can be applied with tarot cards.
When your crown chakra opens to higher consciousness, you’ll realize that focusing on yourself IS focusing on your twin because your energy fields are eternally intertwined - the contradiction dissolves when you understand that healing your root chakra wounds automatically balances the shared auric field between you both.
I’ve noticed a lot of these contradictions come from different interpretations of what twin flames actually are. Like the whole ‘runner/chaser’ dynamic that gets pushed in commercial twin flame content - in my experience, that’s not really accurate to the deeper energetic connection.
I’ve also found that practices like obsessing over romantic thoughts, timelines, or trying to force a reunion usually backfire and just create more fear-based energy. Not helpful!
Precisely. Which is why I now only pop in here maybe once a week as opposed to daily - too much contradiction which caused more confusion and expectations, the snag being every twin flame journey is unique. It was about a month and a half ago when I felt fatigue kicking in reading things here and on other sites, seeing so many contradictions and differing opinions and views that I thought to myself “Is this REALLY making any difference to me and my twin? Can’t we just get on with reuniting? What’s holding us up?” because when all is said and done, it is a natural right to want to be with my twin again and get back to LOVING each other but no no no, that’s an “expectation” and expectations are “imprisoning” and “limiting” so in other words I should prepare to spend the rest of my life alone like a Monk? No thanks, have spent the last 17 years living like that and I’m bored to death with it so I can only do and go with whatever I FEEL.
It is helpful to have knowledge of the twin flame world and the deeper meanings as when I stumbled upon it, it answered so many questions I had about why my flame and I had so many issues ending up with what feels like a never ending separation but leaning on and becoming dependent upon twin flame communities for me clouded what matters at heart.
The biggest change for me since I stepped away is I have gained a bigger sense of inner peace, serenity and confidence.
I once heard ‘let go of expectations, but stay open to miracles’ while sweating through a yoga class, and thought, how on earth am I supposed to prepare for something miraculous without expecting it?
Like trying to plant a garden without hoping for flowers. Over time, through meditation and plenty of life face-plants, I learned it’s about finding that sweet spot where you chop wood and carry water without pinning your happiness on the harvest, yet still leave your windows open for unexpected blessings to blow in.
It’s a balance of grounded optimism without white-knuckle attachment-like holding water in open palms instead of clenched fists, which, trust me, is way easier discussed over coffee than practiced when your heart’s on the line.