When you don't feel separation while in a separation

Twin Flame Stories
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This year August mark the second time we’re separating after a brief warm reconnection. I think because I know there are any possibilities of another separation, I will handle it with grace, but actually no separation is easy. After a brief warm rekindling with my twin, suddenly everything go sour, somehow he got angry and I don’t know the cause of it, and of course he decide to separate, said that it would be easier for me, and so on.

Am I disappointed? Yes. Am I angry toward him? at that time the answer is “No”. Days and weeks pass, people around us start wondering about our relationship. Stories and speculations about him come to my ears, and it’s not a positive one. Text messages between him and one of our co-worker talking about our relationship, prior to our separation, being showed to me by these one co-worker too. Then I feel those waves of anger reside within me.

I just read a topic in this forum, about how anger can be a fuel for your next ladder on this journey. I think I agree with that. It’s a raw emotion that we supposed to feel, to accept, to observe, to find the reason behind those anger and to heal that.

In time, when all my decision mostly being ruled by my emotion, especially this ‘anger’, I thought that everything is over. He put the line between us, so be it. It’s time for me to ‘unlove’ him, the ‘Him’ who doesn’t deserve me.

But, nobody knows what the devine has in store for us. My jumbling unstable emotion gradually toned down, I didn’t even know how and when it happen, I think journaling help me alot. I decide to block all my families, friend, coworkers energy that I feel overwhelmed and doesn’t align with mine. Start truly listening to what my heart want me to listen and to do.

It’s already 3 months after he draw a line to our relationship, and I already come to term with that. Of course there are no communication between us, he even avoid me at all cost, hardly see him around. But, that’s part of the journey that we need to undergo. There is time I doubt about the journey, and what is him to me. But, our energy could shift too, and the doubt disappear.

For now, I don’t have the urge or feel the necessity to contact him. Of course I missed him, of course I feel the overwhelmed feeling of love for him. Or, a sudden bout of sadness that coming from nowhere, and an unexpected vivid dream. At present we’re physically separated. In other people’s eyes we broke up. Deep down I don’t feel any separation, because I feel him together with me inside.

Like I said before, we don’t know what the devine bring for us. I know and believe that the journey has it owns purpose. If we’re suppose to be together, we will be.

Thinking excessively whether he is thinking about me, or whether he realize who we are, or do he done the work, or whether he even love me and want to be with me, won’t help us. It won’t bring us anywhere.

I love him. I miss him. There’s always this picture when we’re together again. But, right now most of the time I feel peaceful, of course there are days when I feel not that grounded, but we’re human, we feel the emotions.

Perhaps I already surrendering, perhaps I’m on my way surrendering. Who knows? They said surrendering is a state of being, somehow we won’t realize in what state we are. We just need to walk this path step by step, so the fog around us could disperse a little by a little too. Right?

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When we reach this state of feeling unified despite physical distance, it shows we’ve moved beyond the purely physical relationship into a deeper spiritual bond. The anger you experienced was clearing old wounds and karma.

The fact that you can maintain your sense of connection while giving him space is great and show that you are both in balance.

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You are 100% right that focusing on them does not help and I wish more people saw that sooner. This is the big thing that gets us stuck in separation loops I think.

But sometimes, maintaining some limited, healthy communication can actually help. Complete silence often led to more anxiety and overthinking. Having occasional check-ins, even just brief texts, helped me feel more grounded and gave me more clarity.

Of course, everyone’s journey is different, but maybe there’s a middle ground.

Either way it sounds like you are making great progress and I am excited to hear where it goes…

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When you stop experiencing separation internally, it’s a sign you’re transcending the fear-based push-pull dynamic. That is very exciting for both of you thank you for sharing :love_letter:

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It feels like you have learned more than most do in a short time. That has to be a good sign.

I’ve been where you are, feeling that strange mix of separation and connection. The anger and doubt will come in waves, but trust that inner knowing that keeps you grounded. Your journey is uniquely yours - don’t let others’ opinions or expectations sway you from what feels true.

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Perhaps because I feel a sense of desperation after my second separation. I don’t know what I should do. Should I stay and continue this journey or should I forget everything, and moving on. I feel like a mess. Besides, people around me kind of force me, cornered me to forget and moving on ( in a 3D sense of relationship), and their energy suffocating me.

So, I feel hopeless, and in drastic measures I pull back everything, like physically I am there, but inside I keep a distance from these people, even my parents.

I come from Asian country, with familial ties, culture and religion take a huge part on our daily life. The ‘twin flame’ term isn’t familiar, maybe even difficult to be accepted. Even I know this term after my first separation, coincidentally.

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After our first separation last year, of course being initiated by him too. We have a 3 months of no contact. He then reaching out and we start communicate when it’s necessary, now and then. It isn’t a walk in the park, especially when I know and feel that he is seeing ‘others’, add familial and societal pressure for me to marry. So, I could say we maintain those neutral, kind of friendly and familiar way to each other for 6 months, before we rekindling.

But, like I write earlier, it isn’t easy. We’re in no contact again that feel like a final. I put myself in a hermit mode, just taking care of ‘me’. I only have my spiritual teacher to talk to. Well, even this afternoon, I suddenly cry when I’m binge watching a drama, doesn’t know where this sadness coming from, and the reason why😅. Then it goes suddenly too, like this minute I feel a depressing state, next minute I feel nothing🫠.

Actually, I too want to know where it goes. But, like what my teacher’s said, “If your path is winding, just go with the flow. Don’t force it to be a straight path or find a shortcut, less you’re the one who will get hurt. Don’t go against what the devine prepare for us. Remember, we’re the actor on the stage, and the divine is the one who orchestrated everything.”

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You’re welcome😄. Actually, I didn’t realize that before, the feeling that we’re together internally coming up in my last conversation with my spiritual teacher, when I complained that I feel annoyed that people around me kind of force me to moving on. The exact word I said is " I know they mean well, but the thing is I even don’t feel separated from him. It’s like, I stayed at home and he left the house to work, or to have a gathering, and will come back home in the evening.
After hearing that, my teacher laugh at me, and a realize that too. Ah, so this is what we called epiphany🙂‍↕️.

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I’ll give most the credit to my spiritual teacher for accompanying me patiently from the beginning, because in where I live, my connection with my twin clearly being scorn upon, kind of forbidden relationship.

Even my teacher doesn’t understand what is twin flame, but from the beginning of our first separation, my teacher always ask me to surrender. But, we know, not for all people of course, that sometimes we need to feel the desperation, the hopelessness after our happiness crashing down, the feeling of being cornered and there is no way out, when we don’t know which way to go aside from surrendering to the power bigger than us.

I feel grateful for coming to this point, I learn alot from this process, there are some stuff that I need to heal and forgive, forgive my self and him of course. Importantly, I feel grateful for finding this forum, because like I found a comrade in this journey, not feeling that alone anymore🥰

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Thank you for sharing your story, wishing you the best :heart: :heart:

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Thank you so much, wishing all the best for you too :heart::heart: