Can anyone help? Relate? We’d briefly reconciled going well then the wheels fell off. Suddenly unexpected strong emotional rejection from him, then going no contact after losing it on me. I hate that. I get yelled at and then bye. I’ve tried my best but today (3 months in) after an intense medical appointment I emailed him very open hearted could we be friends I miss you but not really very self respecting but deep true note. Then I added on to explain context and acknowledge our rupture, say I don’t want a redo but if he’d like to discuss it at some point I could make myself available. What? I don’t talk that way. So now I’ve sent 2 embarrassing emails that conflict in tone and I’m holding such discomfort. Do I wear sunglasses and know I’ll never hear from him, do I say hey, bad day, hope you can understand? what do you do if you cringe after sending something (email tho, less intrusive) but still not respecting no contact and notes are strange. Ps I’m very hard on myself and they may not be the worst ever, but I feel very embarrassed. Thank you!
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If I had a dollar for the number of times I’ve felt like how you felt. Sometimes I reread the things I wrote to him when we were going through periods of silence, and I’m like. What were you thinking? Of course, to make myself vulnerable and put my pride aside to even reach out in that capacity is unlike how I generally am with most people. So when I’m met with no response/silence, I get even more upset with myself.
But that being said, don’t be embarrassed. It takes courage to say the things that are on your mind because being honest sometimes makes us more vulnerable of getting rejected/hurt. And who knows where this journey will take you. I reckon now, just leave it as it is. You’ve said what you needed to say.
Sending you a huge hug! It’s gonna be ok (or at least that’s what I tell myself every day now). x
Thank you thank you so much. So nice to know you understand. Yes! Making myself vulnerable then trying to correct and making it worse. Thank you for your hug! It’ll be okay … (?) 
If you ever need to talk. Send me a DM. x Always happy to listen.
Thank you so much 
Totally agree with what @eunichick said. You spoke from the heart and with love and from a place of raw vulnerability. That never needs second guessing or a correction. Own it! It’s small steps like these that bring the healing and growth with them.
Thanks for your lovely note and support. My openness and then the lack of response can be so hard for me; I so appreciate it!
Hi dear people, latest update: out of sheer desperation combined with a stomach ache I texted him (my previous notes were email) and I asked if he would please put me out of my pain and delete the emails unread. I didn’t expect anything. He wrote a sweet reply saying sure, he hadn’t read emails in a while, it was so friendly ??