Its funny you say that, i started pilates and yoga months ago. I dont do it alot casue it kind of scares me when it happens but i would leave the class and feel like i was racing to get home so i could shut myself in my room and sob. This journey has been so annoying for so many reasons. The crying!!! I am not a crier. I dont cry alot at all and this journey has made me cry more than i ever have in my life. I have had moments where different stages of my inner child have emerged crying asking me " why didnt our dad love us? Why did he say that why did our dad favor our sister to us? Why did he hit us why this why that?" And they are all crying and im crying and im hugging and comforting them all telling them, āthey are smart. They arent dumb or stupid despite what dad said. They matter. They are important and loved and there is nothing wrong with themā It has taken hours to love on them all and stop their crying and my own. And its often times released after a trip to the gym. With yoga and pilates i know im stretching in a way that will release the pain and it scares me cause i can feel it coming on. My twin has been a catalyst for so much of this. We triggered our abandonment wounds surrounded around our dads when I left him (i quit our job. Which meant we werent in one anothers orbit all day everyday anymore. I tried to keep us intact despite that but he took me leaving hard was already slowly starting to run and eventually did. Blocked me and all the things) and then he in turn ran from me. So through this past long agonizing almost 2 years I have been forced to confront pain I guess i kept trying to run or keep stuffed down. I see the benefits of those exercises, i do. But i have to be very slow and gradual to do it. Cause the release is so intense and it scares me . And it feels similar to when his emotions hit me out of no where or the intensity of this connection hits me when i cant fight it off anymore and so i release and am sobbing on the floor for hours. Ive done it so many times now that, i now feel a shift in my healing and im feeling alot better these days and feel im moving and not stagnant. I still dont see the point of all this. Maybe thats living in fear based energy or low vibrational cause i must know the point of it all but ā¦ im working through it and have had better days lately. Im slowly returning to me all while accepting and balancing too. So i appreciate your words and advice and yes i havr utilized and incorporated it. I want to continue to, just need to go slow.
Create a dedicated space in your home, a corner of your bedroom, or a spot in your living room where you actively practice letting go of thoughts about your twin. Set up this area with tangible reminders of your current life, like framed photos of your family or small objects representing your personal accomplishments.
Make it a daily habit to spend five to ten minutes in this space, actively listing things youāre grateful for in your present life. This practical exercise can help redirect your focus and energy away from dwelling on the past.
Iām so sorry to hear itās been even more difficult since the news of the 7th baby came around. Just a thought, but I might consider going easy on your friend, as she may have been āsentā or driven to say those exact things to you as part of the triggering in the TF connection. Especially if it was out of character for her, and especially given that youāre trying so hard to focus OFF your TF and onto your family. Pulling away tends to earn me a painful Divine slap in the face, my own wishes be damned! lol. This journey is so cruel.
The dreams are also interesting, Iāve also had similar-ish dreams. usually they ONLY vary between a few possibilities. Perhaps wishful thinking for most, but something would mirror those dreams afterward in some way, just like how you saw your TF coming to tell you something, then you found out about the baby from your friend.
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Heās hanging out with his GF, and actively enjoying it, but still looks over at me when he thinks Iām not looking, but it doesnt change his choice.
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His ex-wives appear to try to get him back. One even proposed in the middle of a mall
But after both of these, heād leave her when heād see me run away crying and comes to sit and hold me for awhile. Always quiet. -
My (ex)spouse would come around behaving like weāre together and Iāve be too scared to say no, but my TF would (silently, of course) step in between us and put his hand on my back to keep him away. Youāve no idea how safe I felt in those dreams!
Anyway, I really resonate in how you say you feel like a shell of yourself, but are enjoying being more present with your family. I am feeling much the same. I hope things only get easier for you now to live the life you want. 
Hey you! I have been wondering how you are! Good to hear from you. 
Well to be honest, I donāt know if its out of character for her because I have only known her almost a year or maybe about a year now. She only came into my life because of him. When we worked together, he was my maintenance supervisor and I was the property manager. We needed a new cleaning company for our vacant units and he recommended her. She has her own cleaning company and shes kind of related to him cause his wifeās oldest daughter from a previous relationship is related to this mutual friend/cleaning lady through her biological dad or something.
It was just supposed to be a working relationship but from the first time she spoke to me she became enamored with me. Would say she loved me and I was beautiful and would call me to chat and everything and the day I quit the job I shared with my twin, she was actually on the phone that day on and off with my twins wife, this mytual friend was actually the one that day calling and telling me that my twin was really upset that i was quitting. He had stayed home sick that day. After that me and this mutual friend kept in touch. Which i was fine with at the time, because I was trying to curate my own chosen family. My twin entered my life in a time when i was handpicking people i guess to be apart of my āchosen familyā. I had finally gone no contact with my own toxic extended family. I was at peace with my decision but was also very sad and empty and I came from a big family so I think I was trying to create my own new and improved chosen family to fill the void. So the mutual friend showed me kindness and love immediately so I welcomed her in. We hung out a few times over this past year and she would comfort me when my twin abruptly left my life and I didnāt know why. I always felt she knew more than what she was saying. Idk why, I know she was spending time with my twin and his wife and she cleans his home regularly. So I have had a strong sense that over the last 8 months or so i have a been a topic of discussion. But earlier on when I would cry because my twin wouldnt talk to me she would just say, "I know, im sorry. He will come around. Just give him time. " But she would always end that conversation telling me about a friend of hers that suddenly stopped talking to her a few years ago and how much it hurt her. That the friend just called her negative and didnāt want her in her life anymore. I always wondered why that was said because this woman was so full of life and sweet. But honestly, i dont know her much at all. I think I clinged to her for my own reasons and as some link to my twin. But I do not want a tie to anyone him and I both know or anyone we both loved and cared about. I just dont want it anymore. So I havent spoken to her sense she told me. And her,āsorry. I forgotā . Didnt feel genuine to me. When I responded āi didnāt need to know that. He wont talk to me and wonāt be my friend anymore. Congrats to him and his family but i didnāt need to know that. Im still grieving his loss.ā She didnāt respond. Maybe she felt bad. But i doubt it. She knew, we talked about it alot. She didnt know about the twin aspect of it all. But she knew we didnāt talk and how hurt I had been. So it felt purposeful and hurtful. So i just dont want to talk to her anymore. Really shes āhis peopleā cause sheās related to my twinās wife. And I feel my twinās wife long since suspected something especially given that my twin kept telling her he missed me so much(his words) . Idk if something transpired that made her wonder about me and the connection my twin and I have. Idk what he said or did. But I feel she started to suspect something. How can our spouses not? My husband noticed. He noticed his wife struggling for months to move on from this person. When we were still in one anothers every day life, he noticed my innante need to protect, look after and be there for my twin. He even asked me one day why I bend over backwards for him. I honestly didnāt know why. It felt as organic as breathing.
But anyway, yeah the dreams are a trip. And I wonder if its wishful thinking or just how we communicate in the 5D cause its the only way we can. On my birthday at the end of December, I had accepted and knew he was NOT going to break in the 3D and tell me happy birthday. I knew that. So I expected nothing. But the early morning of my birthday, I had this detailed full length dream where he showed up and took me to all these beautiful places. It didnāt look like we were anywhere on earth. The sky was a beautuful pink and all these colors. The scenery was vibrant and beautiful. He told me , "You know why we cant talk. You know why I cant tell you happy birthday in real life. So you are going to have to deal with this is how I tell you happy birthday. Im taking you to all these places. Im sorry. This is the best i can do and you know why. " I woke up feeling whatever. I guess accepting. But i still had a moment while i showered where sadness washed over me and I sobbed. Pulled my self together avd went on with my day. His birthday is the 19th of this month. I am still torn on if i should whisper happy birthday to him in my head or actually reach out even though im blocked to just text him happy birthday. Im not angry anymore. This journey does that. No matter what they do, we canāt stay mad at them. I have let him back in. Hes following me around energetically again. It actually is nice. I feel an overwgelming feeling of happiness wash over me now. Im balancing better. Im accepting. Im trusting the universe and God. But i have to limit myself because if I let him back in too much, the missing and yearning starts to consume me cause I want more and im back to feeling miserable. So I gotta continue to balance.
Based off your dreams, they remind me a bit of mine, they feel like messages in some way. Or as if they are trying to communicate the only way this connection will allow. I feel like if we were orchestrating these dreams they would be what we want. You know what i mean,? They would be , them being by our side and telling us they love us, holding us etc. But instead, they are some sembalance of the 3D and the obstacles between us so despite the obstacles they are reaching out trying to still communicate. Idkā¦ i wonder anyway. I am doing better though. The obsessive thoughts have stopped. Heās still on my mind throughout the day on and off but it doesnt feel excessive. Or maybe me accepting it has helped. And just the dreams. But im feeling better some. I hope you are doing better too. Hugs 
And omg girl!!! you have no idea how deep I resonate with when you said you feel you receive a āDivine slapā in the face when you try to pull away. Oh man, every time. I would make progress only to then feel like I was being punished and yanked back 5 steps. Then im on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. It truly sucks when that happens. 