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Erased the previous posts, I guess I know it’s unlikely, but I’m too nervous my twin found my posts here, and I’m worried he’ll feel criticized or something by my feelings, which isn’t what I intend at all. I just want to be understood, and needed a place to get all my thoughts, worries, and upsets out so I don’t go crazy. I’m sure I’ll keep posting, just for now, maybe I’ll hold off on letting it ALL hang out, lol.
But a mini-vent, he posted a song about calling to tell his feelings, and he’d tell “something I didn’t want to hear”. He said his insta stories were not for me, but it was super odd timing with his energy going haywire (and still is today…wtf is going on? Lol) . I had lost my phone, so I put up a private note to him saying I can do messenger call only.
I dislike having to talk to him this way. It’s humiliating if all of this is untrue, I feel like I’ve lost him as a friend by looking insane. But at the same time, I also believe in this, and didn’t want him to call and get no answer without knowing why. I didn’t want him to potentially feel hurt. But I’m so tired of feeling humiliated by putting myself out there for him with silence in return.
Also, every time I log into Messenger to talk to someone, he very obviously goes offline every time. That hurts so much. I’m not there to message him. And I won’t unless he messages me first because he’s made me feel like he really wants nothing to do with me.
So today… just….tired of it all…. 
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That level of understanding and compassion you show toward your TF is beautiful. Recognizing his trauma and people-pleasing tendencies without judgment shows how much you’ve grown through this journey. That unconditional love. Wanting his happiness above your own desires is the purest form of love.
Maybe the most loving thing we can do is hold space for someone to find their own path, even when it’s painful for us. Your growth in this journey shines through in how you speak about him.
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When I was stuck between an abusive partner and feelings for my twin flame, I felt that same paralyzing fear of being ‘found out’ and the desperate need for validation that what I was experiencing wasn’t just delusion.
What finally helped wasn’t spiritual bypassing or running away, but creating tiny moments of authentic self-trust-each time I honored my own reality despite others’ gaslighting, the path forward became clearer without needing external confirmation. Your body knew the truth from that first ‘home’ feeling with B, and no amount of R’s manipulation can erase that, even when the journey feels impossibly painful.
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Through the practice of inner awareness, I’ve observed how the twin flame connection often illuminates our relationship with our inner masculine and feminine energies. As you breathe into your story, notice how it reveals the journey from imbalance to harmony within-a beautiful transition from external seeking and fear-based attachment to grounded self-awareness and compassionate self-love.
Thank you for sharing 
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That moment when the clouds parted as your eyes met B’s and you saw him ‘clearer than the others’ was your soul recognizing itself across the void of time and circumstance, a recognition so profound that it remained dormant yet alive through marriages, children, and thirteen years of separation.
Spirit whispers through these unmistakable moments of clarity even when we’re not ready to hear them, planting seeds of recognition that bloom when we’re finally broken open enough to receive their truth a beautiful agony that makes the Dark Night feel like both a crucifixion and the most exquisite homecoming to yourself.
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Thank you very much for this, it’s extremely helpful hearing someone else who understands what it’s like. My Twin seems to have no empathy for what I’ve had to face to be able to try and get away., or the kind of fear when facing a man who hurt you so badly. He has no clue how abuse can $*#& up your head so badly you can’t trust yourself anymore. I’m still desperate for validation of the connection because with the TF stuff my the self doubt can be so extreme I seriously considered a mental clinic, which really hindered my ability to trust myself enough to get out. It really hurt when he not only ignored my pleas for help, (when it had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with escaping my situation…I needed his help badly) but seemed to go to great lengths to project an image that nothing at all was happening despite my needs.
You’re probably the first person who gets it
Yay, I’m so glad you can see the improvement! I’ve worked so hard to do the correct things to move through this journey and feel I’ve seen the incredible payoff for all that pain. I hope my twin finds his way through to this feeling….
Hey guys!
So I’m feeling upset at this journey right now. My twin seemingly thinks I’m a game-playing, man-tricking, liar. I mentioned this before but it’s becoming clearer that he REALLY can’t see ME, but some straw-woman to place blame for the brutal hardship of this journey. It would explain his triggered behaviors, at least.
HE is the one who lied about this connection, kept his dating status secret so I’d keep being intimate with him, and plays games by trying to project a false image that none of this is happening and being ambiguous in his “communication”. It also seems he believes I’m using the intimacy against him in some way. I think that because I don’t want to be intimate if he has a GF, he thinks I’m holding something of HIS hostage to break up with her, as he said I was pressuring him when I was just removing myself to protect my heart and give him space…like he wants.
Does he really I’m so desperate for a man I’d WANT someone who needs coercion to love me? Does he not realize how his choosing his GF over me repeatedly, his game playing and hiding and uncaring behaviors makes him look untrustworthy and incapable of empathy? I of course know I could be mistaken about all of this so I’m still leaving my opinion open. But I’ve read so many time that Runners often blame their Chasers, until they wake up and “see” themselves and their chaser (althought I’ve been a “stayer” for about a year now) clearly. It feels unfair he doesn’t how hard I tried to do right by him, understand and forgive him, even when it meant I suffered even more.
I’m also sad because I wonder what happened to him to make it so hard to trust I actually love HIM and would never do something unfair or hurtful towards him. I know he’ll have to face this darkness before he can see me, and I already hurt for him about the journey he must take. I believe he is still fighting hard against the unavoidable because he’s under the impression he’s not “free”. He can’t see his darkness and ego control the real him like a puppet, and to rid himself of them is TRUE freedom.
I wish he’d let me be there for him, so he’s not alone and confused like I was when I was at this stage. I really tried to be.
On a good note, I noticed somehow the connection between us changed, at least on my end, so that he feels like “mine” and I his, NOT in a possessive way, just feeling the truth of this beautiful connection.
However I feel he uses the fact I’m stuck living with my ex still married on paper (to protect self/family) as an excuse to not face our connection, (much less FEEL its truth) not move his journey forward, and keep on as he always has. He’s even insinuated that our love and intimacy (sooooo hurtful ) is “wrong”….can’t he FEEL how “right” it is and all else is “wrong”? That i DONT belong to my ex, and I’ve always been HIS through space and time? Will he ever recognize his other half needs him there right now during the hardest time in my life, and that I don’t want the beginning of our story to be pock-marked by the fact he chose to leave me in danger without caring enough to ask if I’m okay?
Finally I realize I don’t really talk about ALL the new self discoveries and healing work I do, which takes up most of my focus. I figured it’d be boring. But does anyone want to hear about that?
Anyway, rant over. Till next time….
Your twin flame journey reminds me that even in our darkest moments, we’re still moving toward healing. The courage you’ve shown through such intense challenges speaks to your strength, even when you couldn’t see it yourself.
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Thank you so much for this I needed to hear this today.
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This might be my favorite thread on the entire board. Thank you so much for sharing so freely and openly. I’m here for every word of it and I can’t wait to read about your reunion one day.
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Always here sending you positive energy and so much love, @StarGirl.
I’m sure subconsciously, he knows that you always have his back. Your unwavering belief also gives him strength, even tho he denies it in 3D.
I would. I think the journey, tho lonely and isolating, is also filled with a lot of enlightenment and learning through our individual journeys. I’d love to hear how you’ve found ways to heal your own heart and find peace.
And ditto, @Divine_Masculine. This is one of my favourite threads too
Reading your story felt like looking into a mirror - that moment when you felt ‘home’ with B despite impossible circumstances and the devastating humiliation after confessing your feelings were exactly what happened with my twin. The cruelest part isn’t just the rejection but how our twins somehow manage to trigger our deepest wounds (for me it was abandonment, for you it sounds like not being believed/invalidated), which is particularly brutal when you’re already dealing with an abusive situation.
When my husband discovered my feelings for my twin, I experienced the same terrifying moment you described, but what ultimately saved me was redirecting all that twin energy into believing myself first rather than seeking external validation - something I still have to practice daily.
Your story really resonated with me. I’ve been on my own twin flame path for some time, and I can see so many familiar patterns in what you’re experiencing.
First, I want to acknowledge how incredibly brave you are for sharing such a personal story. The twin flame path isn’t the romantic fairy tale many people initially think it is it’s raw, messy, and pushes us to grow in ways we never imagined. The doubt, fear, and confusion you’re describing? Totally normal, especially during those phases when you feel energetically repelled from each other.
That Dark Night of the Soul you described wow, I’ve been there. It’s like being stripped down to your core, facing your deepest fears and insecurities. It feels devastating in the moment, but I’ve come to understand these phases are clearing out old patterns that no longer serve us. It’s pushing you toward your authentic self rather than focusing on the external connection.
When you described your kundalini awakening and that recognition of genuine love with ‘B,’ I completely get it. That fusion of energies is unlike anything else! These awakenings force us to look at parts of ourselves that need healing. I’ve noticed the most growth happens when I redirect that energy toward self love rather than fixating on the connection.
The confession and rejection part? Been there too. It hurts like hell, but I’ve come to understand it’s another step in the process. Our twins often reflect back what needs healing within ourselves. The trick I’m still learning is how to love those parts of myself that feel rejected or unworthy.
Moving forward is about aligning with your own soul and allowing freedom to exist between you and your twin without expectations. It’s so much easier said than done, I know! But when I started focusing on my own healing path rather than the outcome with my twin, things shifted dramatically.
You’re not alone in this. Ground yourself in your own soul work, embrace the lessons, and stay open to the transformation that’s happening. Trust me, focusing on finding peace and love within yourself creates the space for everything else to unfold naturally.
Sending you strength for whatever comes next in your path.
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When my twin and I would get ‘disconnected’ because I was absorbing everyone else’s energy (just like you felt with B), I learned to picture myself in a bubble of white light every morning instant reconnection. I know it sounds super silly, but try visualizing yourself surrounded by sparkly protection before podcasts or any interaction with R, and watch how differently B responds when your energy stays clear and truly YOURS. 
‘Broken pieces break into me’ is a phrase that has resonated with me lately. I’ve been reflecting on how trauma can fragment your soul. When you endure difficult experiences like abuse and pain, pieces of yourself can break off and scatter throughout the universe. It’s fascinating how, sometimes, this twin flame connection acts like a powerful magnet, drawing those lost fragments back to you without you even realizing it.
Your connection with B may actually serve as a healing process, helping you rediscover those missing parts of yourself. It might not look like what you initially expected, but perhaps it is exactly what you needed all along. Through this journey, you’re learning to become whole again, with your soul recognizing and reclaiming itself.
omg when r went through your messages i physically felt that fear for you… been there when my ex found my journal about my tf. the hardest part of this experience for me wasn’t the running or rejection, but learning to trust my own perception when everyone (including my tf) made me feel crazy for feeling what i felt. your body knew the truth that first time you met b, and that knowing is yours, no matter how many people try to convince you otherwise.
I can relate to that feeling when your intuition tells you something is real despite others making you doubt yourself trust that inner voice, it’s speaking your truth even when circumstances and other people’s perspectives try to convince you otherwise.
That moment when you felt your TF’s sexual energy with his girlfriend UGH, absolute WORST part of the process for me too! My mini rant: Why spirit thinks it’s helpful to torture us with telepathic intimacy when we’re already dealing with trauma and separation is beyond me it’s like some cosmic joke that only adds to our suffering when we’re at our lowest!
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Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can relate to so much of what you’ve been through the twin flame journey is incredibly complex and often overwhelming.
I hope you continue focusing on your healing and realigning your energy. These challenging experiences, as painful as they are, really do lead to a deeper understanding of yourself. You’re on a path of ascension, and it sounds like you’re bravely peeling away those layers to find your authentic self. Be kind with yourself along the way this journey isn’t an easy one.