Through the practice of inner awareness, I’ve observed how the twin flame connection often illuminates our relationship with our inner masculine and feminine energies. As you breathe into your story, notice how it reveals the journey from imbalance to harmony within-a beautiful transition from external seeking and fear-based attachment to grounded self-awareness and compassionate self-love.
Thank you for sharing 
That moment when the clouds parted as your eyes met B’s and you saw him ‘clearer than the others’ was your soul recognizing itself across the void of time and circumstance, a recognition so profound that it remained dormant yet alive through marriages, children, and thirteen years of separation.
Spirit whispers through these unmistakable moments of clarity even when we’re not ready to hear them, planting seeds of recognition that bloom when we’re finally broken open enough to receive their truth a beautiful agony that makes the Dark Night feel like both a crucifixion and the most exquisite homecoming to yourself.
Thank you very much for this, it’s extremely helpful hearing someone else who understands what it’s like. My Twin seems to have no empathy for what I’ve had to face to be able to try and get away., or the kind of fear when facing a man who hurt you so badly. He has no clue how abuse can $*#& up your head so badly you can’t trust yourself anymore. I’m still desperate for validation of the connection because with the TF stuff my the self doubt can be so extreme I seriously considered a mental clinic, which really hindered my ability to trust myself enough to get out. It really hurt when he not only ignored my pleas for help, (when it had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with escaping my situation…I needed his help badly) but seemed to go to great lengths to project an image that nothing at all was happening despite my needs.
You’re probably the first person who gets it
Yay, I’m so glad you can see the improvement! I’ve worked so hard to do the correct things to move through this journey and feel I’ve seen the incredible payoff for all that pain. I hope my twin finds his way through to this feeling….
Hey guys!
So I’m feeling upset at this journey right now. My twin seemingly thinks I’m a game-playing, man-tricking, liar. I mentioned this before but it’s becoming clearer that he REALLY can’t see ME, but some straw-woman to place blame for the brutal hardship of this journey. It would explain his triggered behaviors, at least.
HE is the one who lied about this connection, kept his dating status secret so I’d keep being intimate with him, and plays games by trying to project a false image that none of this is happening and being ambiguous in his “communication”. It also seems he believes I’m using the intimacy against him in some way. I think that because I don’t want to be intimate if he has a GF, he thinks I’m holding something of HIS hostage to break up with her, as he said I was pressuring him when I was just removing myself to protect my heart and give him space…like he wants.
Does he really I’m so desperate for a man I’d WANT someone who needs coercion to love me? Does he not realize how his choosing his GF over me repeatedly, his game playing and hiding and uncaring behaviors makes him look untrustworthy and incapable of empathy? I of course know I could be mistaken about all of this so I’m still leaving my opinion open. But I’ve read so many time that Runners often blame their Chasers, until they wake up and “see” themselves and their chaser (althought I’ve been a “stayer” for about a year now) clearly. It feels unfair he doesn’t how hard I tried to do right by him, understand and forgive him, even when it meant I suffered even more.
I’m also sad because I wonder what happened to him to make it so hard to trust I actually love HIM and would never do something unfair or hurtful towards him. I know he’ll have to face this darkness before he can see me, and I already hurt for him about the journey he must take. I believe he is still fighting hard against the unavoidable because he’s under the impression he’s not “free”. He can’t see his darkness and ego control the real him like a puppet, and to rid himself of them is TRUE freedom.
I wish he’d let me be there for him, so he’s not alone and confused like I was when I was at this stage. I really tried to be.
On a good note, I noticed somehow the connection between us changed, at least on my end, so that he feels like “mine” and I his, NOT in a possessive way, just feeling the truth of this beautiful connection.
However I feel he uses the fact I’m stuck living with my ex still married on paper (to protect self/family) as an excuse to not face our connection, (much less FEEL its truth) not move his journey forward, and keep on as he always has. He’s even insinuated that our love and intimacy (sooooo hurtful 
) is “wrong”….can’t he FEEL how “right” it is and all else is “wrong”? That i DONT belong to my ex, and I’ve always been HIS through space and time? Will he ever recognize his other half needs him there right now during the hardest time in my life, and that I don’t want the beginning of our story to be pock-marked by the fact he chose to leave me in danger without caring enough to ask if I’m okay?
Finally I realize I don’t really talk about ALL the new self discoveries and healing work I do, which takes up most of my focus. I figured it’d be boring. But does anyone want to hear about that?
Anyway, rant over. Till next time….
Your twin flame journey reminds me that even in our darkest moments, we’re still moving toward healing. The courage you’ve shown through such intense challenges speaks to your strength, even when you couldn’t see it yourself.
Thank you so much for this I needed to hear this today.
This might be my favorite thread on the entire board. Thank you so much for sharing so freely and openly. I’m here for every word of it and I can’t wait to read about your reunion one day.
Always here sending you positive energy and so much love, @StarGirl.
I’m sure subconsciously, he knows that you always have his back. Your unwavering belief also gives him strength, even tho he denies it in 3D.
I would. I think the journey, tho lonely and isolating, is also filled with a lot of enlightenment and learning through our individual journeys. I’d love to hear how you’ve found ways to heal your own heart and find peace.
And ditto, @Divine_Masculine. This is one of my favourite threads too
Reading your story felt like looking into a mirror - that moment when you felt ‘home’ with B despite impossible circumstances and the devastating humiliation after confessing your feelings were exactly what happened with my twin. The cruelest part isn’t just the rejection but how our twins somehow manage to trigger our deepest wounds (for me it was abandonment, for you it sounds like not being believed/invalidated), which is particularly brutal when you’re already dealing with an abusive situation.
When my husband discovered my feelings for my twin, I experienced the same terrifying moment you described, but what ultimately saved me was redirecting all that twin energy into believing myself first rather than seeking external validation - something I still have to practice daily.
Your story really resonated with me. I’ve been on my own twin flame path for some time, and I can see so many familiar patterns in what you’re experiencing.
First, I want to acknowledge how incredibly brave you are for sharing such a personal story. The twin flame path isn’t the romantic fairy tale many people initially think it is it’s raw, messy, and pushes us to grow in ways we never imagined. The doubt, fear, and confusion you’re describing? Totally normal, especially during those phases when you feel energetically repelled from each other.
That Dark Night of the Soul you described wow, I’ve been there. It’s like being stripped down to your core, facing your deepest fears and insecurities. It feels devastating in the moment, but I’ve come to understand these phases are clearing out old patterns that no longer serve us. It’s pushing you toward your authentic self rather than focusing on the external connection.
When you described your kundalini awakening and that recognition of genuine love with ‘B,’ I completely get it. That fusion of energies is unlike anything else! These awakenings force us to look at parts of ourselves that need healing. I’ve noticed the most growth happens when I redirect that energy toward self love rather than fixating on the connection.
The confession and rejection part? Been there too. It hurts like hell, but I’ve come to understand it’s another step in the process. Our twins often reflect back what needs healing within ourselves. The trick I’m still learning is how to love those parts of myself that feel rejected or unworthy.
Moving forward is about aligning with your own soul and allowing freedom to exist between you and your twin without expectations. It’s so much easier said than done, I know! But when I started focusing on my own healing path rather than the outcome with my twin, things shifted dramatically.
You’re not alone in this. Ground yourself in your own soul work, embrace the lessons, and stay open to the transformation that’s happening. Trust me, focusing on finding peace and love within yourself creates the space for everything else to unfold naturally.
Sending you strength for whatever comes next in your path.
When my twin and I would get ‘disconnected’ because I was absorbing everyone else’s energy (just like you felt with B), I learned to picture myself in a bubble of white light every morning instant reconnection. I know it sounds super silly, but try visualizing yourself surrounded by sparkly protection before podcasts or any interaction with R, and watch how differently B responds when your energy stays clear and truly YOURS. 
‘Broken pieces break into me’ is a phrase that has resonated with me lately. I’ve been reflecting on how trauma can fragment your soul. When you endure difficult experiences like abuse and pain, pieces of yourself can break off and scatter throughout the universe. It’s fascinating how, sometimes, this twin flame connection acts like a powerful magnet, drawing those lost fragments back to you without you even realizing it.
Your connection with B may actually serve as a healing process, helping you rediscover those missing parts of yourself. It might not look like what you initially expected, but perhaps it is exactly what you needed all along. Through this journey, you’re learning to become whole again, with your soul recognizing and reclaiming itself.
omg when r went through your messages i physically felt that fear for you… been there when my ex found my journal about my tf. the hardest part of this experience for me wasn’t the running or rejection, but learning to trust my own perception when everyone (including my tf) made me feel crazy for feeling what i felt. your body knew the truth that first time you met b, and that knowing is yours, no matter how many people try to convince you otherwise.
I can relate to that feeling when your intuition tells you something is real despite others making you doubt yourself trust that inner voice, it’s speaking your truth even when circumstances and other people’s perspectives try to convince you otherwise.
That moment when you felt your TF’s sexual energy with his girlfriend UGH, absolute WORST part of the process for me too! My mini rant: Why spirit thinks it’s helpful to torture us with telepathic intimacy when we’re already dealing with trauma and separation is beyond me it’s like some cosmic joke that only adds to our suffering when we’re at our lowest!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can relate to so much of what you’ve been through the twin flame journey is incredibly complex and often overwhelming.
I hope you continue focusing on your healing and realigning your energy. These challenging experiences, as painful as they are, really do lead to a deeper understanding of yourself. You’re on a path of ascension, and it sounds like you’re bravely peeling away those layers to find your authentic self. Be kind with yourself along the way this journey isn’t an easy one.
This sentence is touching exactly where I’m at in my journey, thank you.
I had a twin-flame report drawn up last week, which spoke of being heavily emotionally wounded from this and other lifetimes. And many other things of course…
Reading the report made me seek out my past-life regression and I had my first session a few days later. It was profound and since this is exactly what has happened. Soul alignment. The glimpse into this past life has pressed a reset in me. It’s like I’d forgotten who I was and since this session I stand strong in my own truth and know exactly who I am again. I keep going back to this life in my mind absorbing strength and acceptance from it. It really was beautiful.
Thank you so much for your thoughts and insights.
This is so beautiful! I’m amazed by how powerful past-life regression can be for bringing that soul alignment. It’s like when we peel back the layers of our current struggles and glimpse who we truly are across time, everything just clicks into place.
Would you be comfortable sharing a bit about what helped you decide to take that step into past-life work? I’ve been considering it for a while but haven’t made the leap yet. Your experience sounds so transformative!
Hello Hoppine, thank you for your words and recognising past-life regression can be very helpful for twin flames especially gaining an understanding as to what has led us to this point in time and why we have certain triggers and reactions in this life with TF.
Just to share a little…It was physical and emotional reactions that made no sense to who I am as a person in this lifetime. Just as one example, my TFs daughter made several comments that left me full of resentment towards the connection, comments I would ordinarily not pay much attention to. I am not a low-vibrational person and this was extremely bewildering to me and I was really disappointed in myself for not being able to get on top of this no matter what I tried. This coupled with the physical reaction of feeling I can’t breathe (during a TF dream) was the catalyst to say ‘this is old wounds, it has no roots in this life’. I did some research and did my regression session and am planning to have some more soon. The release of the negative emotions was instant and I have not had another physical episode since then either. It was such a strong insight into the twin flame journey, it just put everything in perspective and the connection in this lifetime makes sense for what it is, knowing what happened previously. I should say meeting TF (who was the opposite gender in that life) was one of the most beautiful sensations I’ve ever had.
If you decide to explore this for yourself, I hope you have the same positive experience I got from it.
Much Love x
Hey, everyone! 
It’s been a few months.
First, thanks so much for the replies I hadn’t seen. I’ll be sure to respond more thoroughly once I barf out all my TF drama. Oh yes, THIS WILL BE LOOOOONG. So buckle up, buttercups 
I did finally break the 4th wall and message him directly to ask him if he felt the connection. I’ll post what I wrote and how he responded. I welcome your thoughts on what was said.
So. I took a break writing about things here because I THOUGHT I was spinning my wheels, and I got tired of seeing myself talk about the same things over and over, lol. But things have changed. I believe I’ve “graduated” to the next phase. Just an inner sense. So things were indeed progressing incrementally when I thought they werent.
THE CYCLE
Since I last posted, the cycle of hurting and healing continued but it became FAR more challenging and difficult to handle. The cycle goes:
1- Telepathic sex Energy that I could NOT avoid or stop because his energy was too powerful.. And guys…I $#!# you not, it continued to grow more REAL each time. The last time it happened, I thought a portal might open up or some crap and he’d appear any second. SO REAL!! I also can feel 100x more pleasure than I thought possible with sex. It’s effing awesome, lol.
Alongside the sexual parts, was the incredible Union energy, which also grew in intensity. I have no doubt this is what it is. We literally become one energetic being, connected to divine/sourceI’ve never felt happier or more at peace in my life.
2- Triggered Fear As the intimacy increased, so did my fear, because I felt more in love and attached to him , when he was ignoring me worse and worse, still hadn’t confirmed he felt the connection, or confirmed his dating status. So A) I had no proof it was him I was feelings; and B) I feared he was using me for the telepathic sex and being with his GF too. I mean, IT IS INSANELY ADDICTIVE and as he seems to be a very clearly selfish person, who never showed me empathy or compassion, I was afraid he just didn’t give a crap how I felt and just took what he wanted.
Of course I don’t now what the truth is, and its just my fears talking. But I couldn’t ignore I was being triggered to an extreme.
3- Trying to communicate with him through Private instagram notes AGAIN. Remember, he messaged me once to tell me the stories I was reacting to in my notes wasn’t him sending “secret messages”, so I had stopped. But the sex energy continued and I was so effing scared so all I could think of in my desperation was to keep writing notes on Insta hoping for help and answers.
I told him that I was a “one and only” person, and needed to be loved to have sex. How I just needed to know what was up, if he was single or not, so I could make educated decisions for myself on this. I said I wasn’t looking to try and control his choices or pressure him, just needed him to respect my boundaries, because I already had a lot of sexual trauma.
I apologized constantly for bothering him if it wasn’t true, given he told me the stories weren’t for me. I was so effing careful and spent so much time worrying about how this affected HIS life and trying to make him know I cared.
4- Zero response from him, and the sex energy kept coming harder. He posted less and less songs seeming to be related to me. I eventually realized not only had he restricted me on Insta (which I had previously learned, see my thread about worried about insanity), but I was restricted on FB too (which made no effing sense because I never talk to him on there, or even like his posts). It felt like he thought “I’ll be intimate with you, but I’ll also ignore you, your boundaries, your pleas, and block you from socials… I don’t need to answer to you to get what I want so I won’t” This compounded my fears that I was being used, and I couldn’t escape that situation, or stop feeling that TF love for him.
5- Dark Night of the Soul Alongside the usual triggered fears such as being used, heart breaking, etc, his behavior triggered deeper fears I was insane again, I became increasingly stuck in a horrific limbo where I didn’t know what my reality was.
This was, by FAR, the hardest part of the journey. Yes, the heartbreak is 10/10 awful, but not knowing my truth broke that mold. 100/10 scared. Regardless of what true, I was experiencing someone having sex with me every night, and didn’t know why. I’ll be honest here, I started to feel suicidal because of it. I’ll talk more about that later. Dark night of the soul to the extreme.
I became desperate in those times. Messaged him on Insta notes further begging for an answer. I didn’t care what the answer was anymore, crazy or not. I just wanted the truth. It never came.
6- Breakthrough I’d eventually, through reflection of myself and following the energy, found my way through the issues. And each time, I accepted what was happening was true, and surrendered to it. This began the cycle anew, where I allowed the sexual energy to play out and just enjoy it. Those were the happiest times. It felt like a reward for a job well done.
Repeat cycle. But this last round was the worst I’d experienced, which led to….
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
My mother commit suicide, so I swore I’d never do that to my kids no matter how hard things got. In these past 2 years, I’ve dealt with (all at once!) the TF thing with all the spiritual awakening when I was never spiritual, being constantly triggered at the deepest levels, learning self-healing of my deepest core wounds, and God…the constant, incessant HEARTBREAK. I also was dealing with leaving an abusive husband, the constant fear of him finding out about the sexual stuff and potentionally hurting me badly (remember I’ve been very honest about all the TF stuff with him except that). Constant poverty, worsened by the fact i couldnt freaking work most the night because of the telepathic sex and couldn’t make it stop. This also made it impossible to have my ex move out to his own place because there just wasn’t money enough. Also not to mention being a mother of 4, 3 of which are on the autistic spectrum and are homeschooled. So I had to keep a calm and patient demeanor and a smile on my face the entire time.
I dealt with all of that, and never got suicidal.
But the limbo of not knowing what the truth was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Really effed me up. I was trapped between two different horrible realities.
A) It wasn’t real, and I had severe mental issues (when I feel completely normal the rest of the time when I’m not dealing with the limbo). This also meant I had lost an old friend by messaging him seemingly insane things. The stress of potentional humiliation at such a level, and sadness if true would be hard to deal with. Also came the stress of knowing I shouldn’t move out on my own taking care of 4 kids if I’m THAT crazy, making me feel trapped with a man I was afraid of.
B) It is true, and I was trapped connected to someone not just in my heart and soul, but sexually (because there is just nothing that comes close outside of the telepathic sex. It sorta ruined all other sex) who seemed to not give a flying fig about me..
I was Trappetty Trapped Trapped with no escape.
So these past few rounds I began having the suicidal ideation, imagining it, wondering if there was a way to do it without affecting the kids. I mentioned this in Insta notes, begging him to just let me know if it was real or not. No answer, of course, only a surge of what felt like annoyance from him. But it wasn’t until this final round when I found myself PLANNING that I decided to message him directly. Because it had become a matter of life or death for me. All my inner protections against such a thing were failing. I needed to make certain my kids would still have a mom.
So I messaged him directly about the connection. Something I hadn’t done before. I realized he would likely deny it all no matter the truth. But even a simple NO would get me out of this horrible limbo.
THE MESSAGE
So here is what I wrote, and his response. Remember we had not really spoken much since before August of last year.
I focused writing to him as if the connection wasn’t true, just to be safe.
EDIT TO ADD: I forgot to include a part of this conversation, which I included in a newer post below, where I asked in my first message point blank if he felt the connection. His response seemed to carefully sidestep that. So I clearly asked emphasized text, and was ignored.
He has not responded yet. It’s been a few days. While his response broke my heart (be it losing a friend, or realizing my TF is waaay further behind than I thought) I felt insane relief too. I expected to be devastated. But! I realized I had greatly projected myself onto him in the void of his silence, thinking he cared, considered, and empathized with me as I did to him. That he also wanted to grow and heal to get through the journey. Wanted the best for me. But obviously, his uncaring behavior and response, be it true or not, finally repulsed me so much, I no longer really cared what he thought of me. His reiterating he’s not romantically interested made me realize that (despite the fact I had given up chasing romance with him back in Dec of 22 when I realized the journey wasn’t about that, but my healing) because of the sexual experiences, part of me was holding onto the idea that he possibly did love me because that is what sex meant to me, and that is what I felt from him in our connection. I thought, mayb he just wasn’t ready to confront the connection, and therefore made me want to allow the sexual energy most the time just in case he did. I was fine engaging with him without a commitment as long as he was single and held love for me. But now I finally had a clear answer after all that confusion… so I could let that go!
That gave me a great boost in blocking out the sexual energies, which has persisted still (its been 6 days since I sent the message and stopped engaging). But blocking greatly messes with my ability to focus on myself and remain balanced. It also makes me experience a ton of chakra pain and feeling disconnected to Source.
But then, it was like I had a sudden epiphany. I was trying to create a block or sheild myself with my energy, a person who did not know what path to follow to my higher, healed self. Was I meant to keep engaging anyway to lead to more healing (because the telepathic sexual stuff brought about the deepest and most powerful healing) or: had I finally learned all I needed from the experience and could move on? That uncertainty I realized, would make it hard to block it out entirely.
So instead I pulled all my energy “up” towards my third eye and crown chakras, and imagined surrendering to my higher self (which to me is my 8 y/o self) OR Divine (as a white light that “held” me) and asked to guide me down my divine path, because they would know what is best for me. Miraculously, the sexual energies WENT AWAY COMPLETELY!!! Effing relief!!! Finally after 10 months! I was in shock! There was no chakra pain, or unbalance. I felt connected fully to Source, and SO happy. It felt like a reward for making it through this phase, because I tried everything to block this out. It is hard to maintain, though. But with practice I believe I’ll be able to extend it to last longer.
But I’m FREE in so many ways now, guys! For the most part…I still have to deal with the heartbreak that, if the TF stuff is true and it was him I’m engaging with sexually, he’s disrespected the boundaries I have consistently told him about for 10 months Because since he was seeing my Insta Notes, he for sure saw me mention it at some point
If it’s not true, I have to deal with the heartbreak of losing my most treasured friend. For he never cared when I told him about the abuse. Or respond with any ounce of kindness for his “old respected friend” who is seemingly going through something really difficult and could use some friendly compassion. That’s what I would do if the roles would reversed. Actually, I’d pull out all stops to help him, if he needed it.
I also feel some stress over his possible response.
If he responds with a NO, I’ll definitely have to stay with my abusive ex (who is seeming far far less dangerous these days at least) to get help and confront the fact that I might be extremely delusional. (But nothing in my search for mental issues to explain this seemed even close to what I’m experiencing, I have more to say on this later on). The only good thing from this response would be all the deep TF love for him would be dropped, and I wouldn’t feel such an attachment to him, or any romantic feeling.
The best case scenario would be he says YES, I might feel something, but I am not ready to talk about it and need space. In this case I can FINALLY accept it as all real and relax! I’d have a firm, renewed sense of self trust! I don’t think he realizes how understanding I am and only want him to be happy, and will gladly do whatever he needs, even if it meant leaving him alone forever. As for the sexual stuff… I just can’t now knowing he has no love for me. This sucks because I want to and miss it, lol. But I only want to make love, so no way am I going to be some telepathic masturbation tool.
I’ll let you know what happens. But it truly feels like a major shift has occured and a new chapter is beginning. All the hard healing work the past 2 years I can now see the changes they’ve brought, as it lent to me being able to handle this kind of response from him. If I was unhealed still, it would have destroyed me. Instead I feel this new stability of self, confident I deserve better than his treatment. I am truly, truly, grateful for this experience, even though it’s taken me to the brink of suicide at the worst times.
And no matter what, as I’m an artist/writer, the experience of having a TF or being crazy, gives me tons of fodder for cool stories, lol.
Thanks for reading 
