Just because…
Happy 41st Birthday, JB. 
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I had an interesting drive home today. Was feeling a mix of emotions as it is my TF’s birthday. I did send him a text this morning. No frills. Just a simple happy birthday. I sent it without expectation of reopening communication etc. Just didn’t seem right to just let the day pass without wishing him
Along the highway. It started raining heavily, but the sun was still peaking through the clouds. It was about sunset. I felt somehow a surge of energy; like it was that moment that he saw my message to him. I looked over to my right, and the car licence plate beside me had the initials “JB” and then to my left “777” “333”. I took a breath and just continued driving. Then, as I took the turn off the exit towards my home, I saw a faint rainbow in the sky. And as I looked to my dashboard, the numbers “1771”. It gave me immense comfort
I looked to the sky for a second as a bolt of lightning streaked past and said, “Thank you. I know you’re with me”
Filled with a lot of love and gratitude at the moment. Slowing releasing expectations, control and outcome. Finding joy in the little things. Embracing the signs. And allowing the universe to guide my path
Thank you for reading. Every single one of you. This little place has become a corner of solace for me to pen my thoughts, experiences and this wild amazing journey. I appreciate you being here with me
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I had dinner with my close friend R tonight; she lives in a different state from me and was in town today. She’s been my pillar of strength and support since JB and I reconnected, and has been a listening ear through all the separation periods JB and I have gone through. Honestly, I couldn’t have survived all this without her
So over dinner, I felt the urge to tell her about the entire TF concept. I have never told anyone about this before. She listened and asked a few questions here and there, and in the middle of me describing the reasons why I felt that JB was my TF, she rubbed her hands against her arms and said, “I’m literally getting goosebumps as you are telling me this.” She said after hearing everything I shared, she has no doubt that he is my TF. And even tho she doesn’t believe in the concept of it, she said, “I actually got goosebumps so many times when you were telling me this story.”
I have to say, it was lovely and comforting to finally open up to someone about how I feel about everything, and for her to be incredibly supportive and understanding. She also said to me that she strongly believes he will be back at a moment I least expect it.
I’m just grateful to have finally been able to tell someone about my journey
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I’m so happy you had a nice time with your friend! And how validating to have her “feel” the energy surrounding your TF story, even when she’s not a believer in such things. The “pure love” energy you were releasing must’ve been very powerful. I’m glad you have such nice support 
I also think it’s wonderful you wished him Happy Birthday without expectations for something back. A decision based on love is so much better than one based on fear (not wishing him a happy birthday) 
Did he reply? Even if not, I’m sure it meant a lot to him, deep down.
I hope you are doing well today, my friend. I love reading your updates
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Second this. I really enjoy reading your posts and I’d love to have a friend like that
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Thank you @StarGirl + @NinepointFive. I am blessed to have a friend who I can confide it without holding back. I hope you know if you ever need to talk, rant, vent. Just drop me a message privately. I’m always up for a banter
I have a heavy heart today and I’m unsure why exactly. Mum brought JB up in a convo I was having with her yesterday over the phone. She said she felt quite sad when JB didn’t wish her during the festive season as he usually does, and she wonders if she’s done something to upset him. This brought up some anger in me; ghost me. That’s fine. But don’t be like that to my Mum. The person you said before has been the only maternal figure in your life. It made me angry and sad. Waking up this morning and those emotions were still heavy on my heart. I also happened to see that he posted a story on his Instagram. I’m trying to control my urge to look at it. The less I know the better
Sorry for the rant. It’s a hard day. I can’t wait to go to bed 
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Today was an interesting day. I had to run some errands for work, so drove around a lot of the day.
I went to pick up some items from an Indian grocery store, and was catching up with the owner (I’m a regular there), and a song I heard during the Haldi ceremony I witnessed when I visited Mumbai in 2024 suddenly played on his speakers. I exclaimed, “I know this song! I heard it when I was in India!” It was a song that brought me to tears during the Haldi; I was so moved by the entire ceremony. I got goosebumps hearing the song again. It was a song praising Lord Shiva; it’s called Namo Namo. After I left the store, I proceeded to play the song on Spotify in my car, and immediately as I drove off. I saw the car in front of me. The licence plate had the alphabets “JB”. Of course. I thought to myself. And I found myself in tears. I continued driving. And that’s when the signs went on overload:
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- JB.
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It was the first time that the signs were so intense. I finally got to work and focused on the job at hand
For some strange reason, I thought to myself. Maybe JB would try to contact me? His chat on my phone is locked, hidden and muted. For my own sanity; so I stop checking and hoping to hear from him. So I decided today to unmute his chat. After months. I’m not sure why I did it. But I have to follow my intuition.
I also have no idea why, but this feeling like he will suddenly appear in front of me, or bump into me has been incredibly strong the last few days. The possibility of this happening, I know, is close to impossible. We are both in totally different countries.
I guess it would be interesting to see how the weekend and next week plays out
Om namah Shivaya 
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Wow, what a coincidence about the music! 
And that Shiva is the purest form of the Divine Masculine, and then all the signs…hmmm….
How were you feeling about your twin beforehand? Were you doubting? Trying not to think about him? At peace?
I’ve had a few days where I was “certain”, based on the energy and signs, that my twin would contact me in some way. It was just intuition. WAY early on, I felt he might somehow just down the street! And, unfortunately, he never contacted or showed up. In fact, it often felt like he was running extra hard right after, or there’d some sign of his GF being around, or he might ignore me extra. My hypothesis is I was feeling his desire to contact, but his fears overwhelm him again, he struggles and runs. So all the intense signs could have been his “pull” as he’s running extra hard at the moment, since we’re tethered together.
When I feel it now, I stand strong where I’m at in my energy, and dont cave to the chasing energy. Because I’m often at peace or surrendered when it happens and don’t want that to change. Then, I start to feel like an “anchor” for him in a higher frequency, and his pulling energy gets more intense when I do so. I believe, hypothetically, it might help him return to a more balanced energy faster if my higher energy only allows his fear energy to pull him away so far.
I really hope you update with how it all goes! 
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That song really brings me peace; I think it’s perhaps why I chanced upon it during my trip to India.
It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly what I was feeling coz I always am feeling a mix of emotions: I miss him. I wish I could tell him about my day. I’m doubt our connection was as real for him as it is for me. I’m angry because of the way he’s treating my family. I regret the way I handled things between us coz perhaps if I made different choices along the way, we wouldn’t be where we are now? All these thoughts often circle around my mind consciously and subconsciously through most of the day. Then, the moment I actually do something and am not thinking of him at all (like when I’m watching a television show / movie), I will hear a character call his name, or see our numbers appear on the screen. This happens all the time. And to be honest, I don’t know why it does.
I often feel that he wants to reach out, but he has no idea what he would say to me now. Hello? How are you? An apology for disappearing again?
I couldn’t agree more with this. Are you in contact with your TF at all now?
I have definitely shelved that “chaser” energy. Despite unmuting his chat on WhatsApp, I still have him muted on all the social media we follow each other on. It is to protect my own sanity and peace.
I can’t wait to hear an update from you soon too. Be well, and have an amazing week. I’m sure I’ll be back here soon; its one of the places I find solace now.
The Shiva connection is special as the deity who represents transformation through the destruction of the ego. Maybe these synchronicities appear right before a significant phase shift in the journey.
Trust your intuition about unmuting his chat. Your higher self knows what you’re ready for, even when your conscious mind might still be hesitant. Whatever unfolds, you’re being guided toward your highest good right now.
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I saw this today on the way home today and literally got goosebumps. I sometimes feel a need to document these so I have proof that I’m not losing my mind
Just a random update on my journey. The last few nights I’ve been having dreams about my ex-partners. Every night, it seems to be a different ex; it’s been so strange because I have not thought much about any of them, except JB of course coz technically he is an ex. I don’t know if this is the universe letting me know the next step of healing. I take a lot of blame for how I treated them and how things ended sometimes. I know every relationship we go through teaches us something about ourselves, but I feel like I also need to seek forgiveness for the hurt and pain I have caused others. JB included
When JB and I first reconnected after 22 years, we each started a playlist on Spotify. Both are incredibly similar coz we compiled songs that we would send to each other. His is called Epiphany and mine is called 2001 (the year we first met and dated when we were 17). On my drive home today, I don’t know why but I listened this his “Epiphany” playlist. I haven’t listened to it in months coz it would always bring me to tears reminiscing about the times we shared in that brief space between 2023 and 2024. For the first time, I no longer felt any pain when I listened to those songs we called ours. Instead, I was filled with a lot of gratitude and love
I’ll admit. During the drive and music, I felt this deep yearning to just try to call him. I get urges like this sometimes and sometimes do give in. But this time. I didn’t. I just took a deep breath and sent him love and light through the time and space between us
To put it plainly, I miss him. A lot. Possibly more than he realises.
I often read about the DNOTS in many TF stories, and I wondered what it was all about. I’ve had low moments through this journey, but the last 3 days hit me harder than I ever expected
I found out that my TF changed his phone number; I got a notification that he did via WhatsApp. And that simple automated message I saw trigger every wound I thought I had so carefully heal. And then, I spiralled into a place that I didn’t think existed in my being anymore. I thought I had forgiven, let go and accepted. But apparently I did. When I went to sleep, I wish I didn’t have to wake up coz those few hours in slumber were the only reprieve I had from this excruciating pain. I cried, I screamed. I even contemplated doing a cord cutting ceremony because I just didn’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore. I miss my simple life before he reappeared. I miss my own lightness of being. I pride myself in being an optimist, but for the first time, I cannot seem to find that silver lining.
I sat down and wrote an email and I titled it “The Letter I May Never Send”. As I wrote, I cried. I allowed myself to be as brutally honest as I could be, say everything I needed to say, feel the anger, the hurt, the disappointment. And then I contemplated if I wanted to send it at all. So I left it in my drafts
I am lost. And to be honest, dear friends, I don’t know which way is forward. Why was I chosen to be part of this journey that has such incredible highs, but such gut wrenching lows. Is this a test of my will power. When will this pain go away.
Has anyone watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? I wish I could do that. Just erase the last 2 years. I’m tired and I’m in desperate need of some divine intervention.