Big changes. This will be my last post in this particular thread, as it feels like the telepathic sex journey is at an end. For now, at least, but things can always change in an instant. I’ll update in my Twin Flame Story thread from now on.
Thanks again for letting me think out loud here. My personality type when dealing with problems is (according to tests) “The Laser Beam”, lol. This means I hyper focus on every single aspect of things until I find the best solution (super helpful with art and writing, btw), and talking it ALLLL out is a major part of that. So thank you for the space.
Final Update
For about 2 weeks I’ve been seeing 1111, 111, 11 multiple times a day. Normally I treat the numbers as just a fun thing to consider, but In 20 months, I’ve never experienced it with such ferocity. It indeed felt like something HUGE was coming.
Day before yesterday I worked my way through a throat chakra block (after engaging a bit with TF…) and boy was it a BIG one that’s been bugging me for sooo long! I thought at the time “Whoa, that’s GOT to be the last major one” (I’ll explain what it was later in this post).
I opened Facebook, and the very first thing I saw was a Meme (I feel like such a dork for not saving it) “The Universe is sending you a message: You have removed your final block, and now the way is clear for all the good things that are meant for you”
Crazy, right?? Never saw one that even mentioned blocks before.
Then I saw he posted a song that I felt warranted a reminder that it wasn’t about HIM (I was NOT trying to dictate his choices for himself and would NOT want someone who had to be dictated to love me right). Rather I felt unsafe to be intimate with him due to lack of communication and I wanted to fix that so we can stay “together” in this astral space. If I seemed paranoid asking about the GF, it’s a natural reaction to feeling unsafe with the lack of info; constantly looking for a threat. That if I felt safe, I could just relax. I hoped he’d care how I’ve been giving him everything for 6 months with only breadcrumbs from him. That I was STILL willing to give him everything, with just a slightly fatter breadcrumb that could help me feel safe and continue this wonderful things we’ve built.
No. Of course not. He ran instead.
I woke up puking yesterday, and his energy was haywire, so I knew something was up.
Then I saw he posted a song about “saying goodbye” “I’m not what you need” “I’ll just hold you back” and “I’ll love you forever”.
The energy got worse, and up until just now I’ve been puking my guts out from his intense energy (not his fault, of course). And today, probably the GF again. It’s been an absolute. Hellish. Nightmare 
**TRIGGERED thoughts **
First, get the ego junk thoughts out of the way. I was angry that he said he’s doing this “for me”. When did my wellbeing start to matter to him? Where was this care when I begged him for so little to help me realize I wasn’t insane, or to help me feel safe so we can continue this wonderful intimacy? No… my triggered self thinks “He’s doing this for himself so he doesn’t have to give anything real to me, protecting only himself” such as communication. Or “I wasn’t putting out ans easily, and felt it time to dump/run rather than work on it”.
Then, I just felt HURT. The triggers rolled in. How when I was 16 and the first boy I thought liked me kicked me out of his car because I wouldn’t “put out”. Same thing with my first boyfriend. Many other boys who ditched me to hang with the “easier” girls, and treated me like nothing. How easily I was replaced by another woman or porn in my major relationships. Was that all that really mattered to my TF too? He says he loves me…maybe it’s true… but leaving me like that, through a song, without a REAL word, after all we’ve shared is just…. too hurtful for words.
**BALANCED Thoughts **
But in reality, I know this was all part of the journey. I knew deep down, it would come to him leaving after hurting me as much as he could, BECAUSE that is the pattern for most people on the TF journey. You MUST be triggered to the Ultimate to heal to the Ultimate. His job WAS to hurt me like this. And likely, most the story my ego built around his silence is written by fear, and is NOT truth. Same with whatever story he’s built up about me and my motives. Which is why I come here to dump all my nastier ego thoughts HERE; to remove them and not unleash them on HIM. Because I know the truth of him in my soul. The sweetest, gentlest, beautiful person….and I KNOW deep down he didn’t intend to hurt me. That he’s just as lost as I am, and just as much at mercy to his ego and triggers as we all are.
Once I saw the song saying goodbye, I felt a crazy strong message “You’ve completed a major final step. You knew the entire time it would come to this. It’s time to let him go so he can choose to heed the call of the Universe to become his true self, or choose to run until the end”.
I was confused by that, as I felt I HAD been leaving him alone. But then I recalled the block I had cleared the day before, which surrounded realizing the truth of how MUCH I took on that I didn’t need to. There was a home video of me as a 4 year old in a pool trying to soothe one of my friends because her big sister threw water in her face and didn’t apologize. So I told her it was ME who did that, and apologized a bunch. I figured, if I took the blame, she’d feel better knowing the person who hurt her apologized.
Well… I’ve done that ever since. Taking on way too much responsibility for others’ feelings and actions, doing too much to make things easier for others, and I absolutely did this to my TF. I thought I was being helpful, trying to give him the answers, trying to give away more of what I needed for my own happiness to hold tightly onto the thread holding us together. I knew some of this already, but I didn’t see how it was a disservice to him. Because I wasn’t trusting him to complete the journey on his own. That was my block.
You can see how uncanny it is this block happened the day before he said goodbye. It was fear that caused me to forgo standing up for what I needed from the very beginning. I was actually delaying him by pushing my boundaries aside. I finally did just that, with our astral intimacy. I could NOT in my heart and soul, keep being intimate without having that boundary respected. Yes, this caused him to run, and not come with me as I hoped, which is why I hesitated so. But that is where I must let him go and trust he can do this. And I really, really do believe in him, and I hope he knows that. As long as he’s happy in the end…. What more could I hope for?
Am I heartbroken? To the CORE. Do I wish he’d suddenly turn around, “get it” and continue on the journey with me (and continue our Astral Trysts because I’m DYING TO and miss it badly 
) ? Well… yeah… but I can’t keep hoping so hard for it anymore. He’ll come to me when/if he’s ready. I will try to hold that space for him while he does.
One last thought on Telepathic Sex on the TF Journey: It was completely necessary for me to heal this deeply. If the Universe puts this in your path, I believe fully it is because you’ve already healed and it’s time to begin an even deeper level of healing
Anyway…. Crying way too hard now. Thanks again for the space, and I’ll send this out to the Universe to my TF: I love you forever…and I believe in you. 
I know the world as is might call it naive, or whatever, but they’re not seeing it from a soul level. In my eyes, it makes your bond with your person even more special 
They just seemed sleepy but couldn’t rest, and a few times my daughter would just be giggly. I was horrified! Very quickly I learned to create an energetic shield around them and tried to “tie it off” to leave it, and that seemed to work.
<3