Embracing the Dark Side in the Name of Awakening

General
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Hi fam.

Recently I shared some of my experience here on this forum:

When I realized that even just innocently thinking about my TF and communicating with him on the spiritual plane, I was giving him my energy, and he was vampirizing it and feeling that everything is OK and of course then there was no need to contact me on 3D (because “everything is fine, she sends her energy to me, great”!) — I stopped playing a divine angel, I stopped sending him my “rays of love and light” and directed all to myself. My energetic health improved immediately. He is confused now. He must go through his own hell, not bathe in the rays of my love undeservedly.

And yes, it’s hard to do. We tend to sacrifice ourselves in the name of love. But he needs to feel what it’s like to be without me, not just on 3D, but everywhere.

It was hard for me to start feeling angry at my twin, but anger is one of the natural human emotions, and the inability to experience it speaks to trauma… TF is meant to trigger our traumas for healing. As long as I refused to get truly angry with him (because omg this is consider as bad emotion), we remained in the roles of victim. No progress in our union, just going in circles.

I’ve been practicing to decline thoughts of him for a while now.

Sometimes I can literally hear like I’m getting a knock on my door — so hungry he became. Since then, any disrespectful behavior towards me leads to losing his points even more. This battle is tough, but the result is worth it.

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Finally I got in touch with my feelings. One day I saw him, and instead of greeting, I literally said him to f**k off. Earlier, we used to say hello no matter what. I used to express my feelings and problems to him only via messages, but he always ignored me.

So I instantly felt a boost of energy and freedom after that plot twist. :fu:

Another thing is that I don’t find it gentle to assure myself that somewhere out there on a soul level he loves me. As soon as I start to think about it, I get sucked back into the cycle of pain and suffering and the “chaser-runner” pattern re-enables. That’s what I’m very tired of.

I’ve been researching DNA frequencies (I Ching, Gene Keys) for about 5 years now, so I understood that the way to siddhi (higher states) is through shadows acceptance.

There are high frequencies (aka heaven, angels) and there are low frequencies (aka hell, demons). Man is in the middle (earth), and must balance between these frequencies.

When I believe in something high and feel a connection with the higher plane, I should not just dream and think about it, I should also check if it is supported by actions (mine and their) on earth.

And if the divine law (to spread love) is not supported by someone here (even if it’s my dear TF), then I have to balance it out with low frequencies — sometimes playing a villain (or a protector of the divine on earth if you like).

My twin stopped actively communicating with me while I tried to lecture him about the high and spiritual stuff to “awaken” him. As I realize, he was actually just mirroring my own heavy feelings of being stuck because I chose the wrong tools for that awakening.

Next day after that plot twist he suddenly appeared in front of me, his fear of me vanished, he hugged me and asked what happened. I’ve told him so many times what happened, but it seems like sometimes calm words just don’t work. Sometimes people need that drama.

I might add that based on my twin’s personality, his chart (numerological/astro/HD etc.) shows that he loves and expects exactly my provocations. It drives him.

This experiment shows that our twin always cares. Runner too. I just flipped that coin. And honestly, I don’t know who’s waking who up anymore. I feel that he wakes me up by ignoring me much more effectively than I did by lecturing him. It’s so beautiful. Really. I feel a flush of energy and there are many new ways appeared to move our progress forward.

The Black Swan movie with Natalie Portman illustrates in the best way possible the shadow work that some couples have to do in order to awake fully. :dove:

When you’re dealing with the dark side, it can become your friend. But proceed with cautious — it’s like a more savory spice, just a little bit is enough to shake up your stagnation.

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Exactly this. The integration of both light and shadow aspects is vital for genuine spiritual growth.

Authenticity (even when expressing “negative” emotions) can create deeper connections.

I think you’re entirely right and people can learn from this. Awakening requires us to face and integrate our shadow aspects. By redirecting energy back to yourself and expressing authentic emotions, you’ve opened a path for genuine transformation in yourself and your twin.

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I really resonate with your experience of embracing anger and setting boundaries with your twin. Redirecting that energy inward and refusing to play the “divine angel” role has been transformative for me, too. I appreciate your words because I didn’t really know how to explain it better to myself.

Very empowering to reclaim your power and let them face the consequences of their actions.

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Let’s pin this to the top to make sure new people read it.

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Btw, I just realized that my twin is a softie too.
And with gradual melting of the fear of my own anger, TF as my mirror may well be able to let himself do something like that too, and I should be ready to face our first conflict with awareness.

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Thank you for sharing your experience with embracing the shadow side on your twin flame journey. It takes courage to face those darker emotions and set healthy boundaries, even with our TF.

Letting myself to feel anger or frustration created more space for genuine love and connection in the long run. Ultimately, true union requires both twins to do their inner work and heal their wounds - we can’t do it for them.

(No matter how much we may want to.)

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Hi! Thanks for your comment.

From my experience, we can help our twins to accept themselves by accepting ourselves, especially when it comes to the dark sides

My twin raves about some of my fundamental character traits, whereas during my life everyone else told me these qualities are terrible, including parents.

I see this love and delight in his eyes and it helped me a lot to accept myself and start a developing/integrating process.

Then I definitely can help him to heal his insecurities by providing an example. I am the example for him, it just took a time to realize this simple fact.

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Here we go.
Frequencies - it’s a truly fascinating thing.

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I resonate deeply with your experience - embracing my shadow and anger towards my twin actually sparked more authentic connection between us, though it was uncomfortable at first. :fire: :dove:

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Your advice sounds counterintuitive but people should pay attention to this…

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I know that you are right in theory. In practice, I don’t know if it is really possible to put those boundaries up as we would with anyone else. Always find myself trying to be loving and light.

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I think it’s time for a big update.

I’m tired of theorizing. A month ago I was starting to get pretty freaked out by the fact of the horrible dopamine addiction of waiting for pleasure/love/union/talk with my TF.

When things are the same and go in circles, it means something is wrong/stuck here. The whole story reminds me of the Silent Hill game. There’s no simple way out of this town. Here’s someone’s quote from Reddit:

“Is it possible to leave Silent Hill once you entered it?”.
“It’s possible to leave, but you have to overcome your past trauma/guilt, whatever get you stuck there in the first place, while you survive your fears and obsessions made flesh into actual monsters. You can’t just physically leave, the roads are collapsed everywhere, and there is a bottomless pit around the city.

If you don’t overcome your trauma, you get stuck in the Fog world and/or Otheworld foverer or until a monster kills you, which seem to be the case of some characters in Silent Hill Downpour, for example.

Other people stuck in Silent Hill not by traumas, but because the actions of others, had to kill whatever person/entity was behind them being stuck, which tend to be literal flying demons who cast lightning, or giant deformed female-like monsters, etc…”.

Does that ring a bell?

And I once wondered if it really possible for my twin to give me that care that he gives to anyone else. Always find himself leaving me in the background.

It’s an old classic - the most beloved are given the least love and the most suffering. But we have to change that, huh?

We had a conflict very soon after this initial post, he complained for the first time, whereupon I wrote the unvarnished truth about what I want from him and didn’t hide my anger at all.

Then I calmed down and we talked peacefully. Again.
But… there was no change in his intentions. He’s afraid to live and take risks. He’s afraid to follow the spirit and to update his mindset, and only watches me from afar, when I need him by my side. He doesn’t know how to love.

Who wants to, google who is a pervert in psychology. I think it’s a perfect description of my runner. Maybe you’ll recognize your situation too.

In my twin’s case, he as a pervert (most likely unconsciously) enjoys being chased, but openly denies the need for attention.

It took me a year to recognize this pattern, to understand what was happening to my energy, why I was drawn to him, and why he was constantly giving me mixed signals. :woozy_face:

After the recognition, I told him openly who he is and that he need to realize his patterns and play fair instead of pretending he don’t have it.

Pervert always denies things, and of course my twin denied these statements too. He said things like this:
“I kissed you and felt nothing”.
“Just friends”.
“I have a girlfriend far away from here and we never have any arguments”.
“If I didn’t have a girlfriend, we’d try a relationship”.
“I want to live a simple life without rollercoasters, without conflicts, just gray life” (oh yeah and gray sex too lol).

…Whereas it’s the colors and emotions that make him come alive, and I’ve seen it earlier.
He blossoms in my presence and he openly denies this fact.

The funny thing about all this is that I’ve made him openly reject my attention. Checkmate.

And what happened? A day later, he comes over to hang out.
I didn’t call him. He just came with a coffee and started a small talk. He hugged me at the end (I didn’t).

Question: if he thinks I’m “hysterical”, and if he said he doesn’t like emotional rollercoasters… and if “loves” his girlfriend… and if I’m not interested to make a friendship with him, and he knows that… Why come over?!

He’s searching for spirit.

What about me? Well, congrats, I had waited so long for this day when I would finally stop caring about this man. Not picturing it in my head, but specifically getting rid of the reactions physically and emotionally. I thought I’d want revenge, but really I’m just become indifferent…

Magically, all the energy that had previously been directed at him turned toward me. I’m putting my photo on my phone wallpaper for the first time. I’m getting back to my hobby that I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid. And it nourishes me. I have so much compassion for myself…

I found my spirit. And he lost it. He just no longer inspires me. It was hard, but I’m happy to escape from that cage. I hope I’m free.

I guess that’s what inner union feels like, which has been said about so much in TF communities.

My special thanks to such great knowledge as Human Design and Gene Keys (the 55th Gene Key was written exactly for TF).

Thanks to that knowledge I understand what’s going on and have a guideline in these days of the Great Change.

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Sometimes I have to let my inner “villain” out to play for things to shift! :imp: :angel:

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A little shadow work goes a long way in balancing the connection and moving things forward.

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How do you balance expressing those darker emotions while still maintaining compassion?

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By feeling the moment.

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By honoring all aspects of myself (including the “darker” emotions I used to repress from myself and hide from him), I’ve noticed a shift in our dynamic. More authenticity, less codependency, and a renewed sense of mutual respect that wasn’t there when I was constantly trying to be the “light” one.

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Embracing anger can be cathartic, but focusing on self-love and boundaries is often more effective than intentionally provoking drama. Shadow work is important but be cautious about using it to manipulate your twin’s behavior, as that could create unhealthy dynamics in the long run.

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You’re describing a person who can’t handle their emotions yet.

Those who can intentionally provoke drama can also intentionally finish it right on time.

Self-love practice can include a love of provoking drama if it is an important part of one’s personality, so denying the need for it is not an act of self-love - it means quite the opposite. Professional drama looks beautiful, the problem is that there aren’t that many good actors, that’s why drama gained so bad reputation.

Sometimes drama is required for setting clear boundaries.